The Institute BulletinThursday, October 28, 2004
Doctors flock to Arafat's side
Palestinians and music fans around the world are holding their breath as rumors abound about the health, or lack thereof, of Palestinian President and former Beatles drummer Yasser Ringo Merenich Arafat. The Institute sends it's best wishes for a swift recovery to our stubborn friend and favorite Beatle. Just keep Paul away from Suha! Strawberry Fields in Gaza, up the irons!
Stargazers enjoy total lunar eclipse
The beautiful celestial dance, except in Freeland where (typically) the clear skies became overcast and bleak just in time for the first eclipse I've had the time to observe in over 15 years! By 9pm you would have no idea there was a moon in the sky and the eclipse hadn't even begun. Being discouraged I broke my drink on a Unisom and went to bed. My next observation was at 4:12 am, the sky was clear and a full western moon was shining down in mockery at me.
Report: Americans growing taller and wider
My favorite Dangerfieldism- 'ya wanna look thin? Ya hang around with fat people!', truer words you will never hear. So the average weight for men goes up 10oz./year and 10lbs./year for Keith? So, if the trend holds I will be of average weight by August 2021, when I'm living on Sealab [you do the math, and call me Hank!]. By then Keith should have achieved quartertonness [good for him hitting his midway point]! Apparently there is no data in this study on penis size, vaginal dilation and compression or annual per capita methane emissions. Are Americans farting more? The world wonders...
Electoral College tie could be mother of all messes
Yes my friends, it seems that the hell spawn maggot-like lawyers are poised to do more damage to the fabric of our nation than any external threat ever has. Contrary to some there is no constitutional mechanisms to prevent litigation from surpassing the inauguration date which would throw our constitutional succession into crisis. We the people must reassert control over our process and banish the frivolous usurpers from feasting on the Union. We must demand a plain, simple, and common universal reform of the entire nomination and election process. The true mechanics of the two party nomination system remains admittedly by the press a mystery to all but a handful of party puppet masters and deck stackers. The party goal of broad appeal continues to deliver us with a choice between candidates who are universally unappealing and bland. It only gets worse as the electorate is refined and pigeonholed by the party statistician and pollsters. Our choices are no longer most appealing but least offensive to the majority. Talk about qualitative reduction! Also with laws requiring electors to vote accordingly to popular vote the Electoral College becomes more and more obsolete. We need to take back the process from the party bosses and those who would steal a district with ballot trickery and deliberate confusion. I say universally one citizen, one vote, no registration. Your SSN should be your registration as a valid American voter and should be accepted at any polling station coast to coast and then some! Ballots should be plain side by side ENGLISH comparisons listing the candidates alphabetically with clear candidates pictures and party emblems with the simple validation of 'are you sure?'. Isn't it bad enough that candidates are mostly career politicians and lawyers? Don't let the lawyers steal the last vestige of your choice!
Judge defends courtroom party for prisoner
This is a disgusting public humiliation that goes far above and beyond the scope of Judge Faith Johnson's mandate to apply the rule of law and legislated acceptable punishments on Billy Wayne Williams regardless of his crimes. It is a definitive sign that Judge Johnson cannot separate her personal feelings from the legal jurisprudence and impartiality with which she has been entrusted. Crusaders should not be tolerated occupying the bench.
Thousand pound man recovering from obesity surgery
A loss of 421 pounds, that's alotta bedpans! While we admire Mr. Deuel's love of larger living, even by the most extreme Institute opinion at age 42 he should only weigh 420lbs! This is just a case of too much, too soon. Sit back Patrick, focus on a long life and the girthy reward of the Poluka weight scale, fat in moderation.
Israeli army commander arrested
Good, and here I had thought the Israeli military was gonna gloss over this. Maybe justice isn't dead in Israel.
Lawyer: Consensual sex is not child porn
Though I have no sympathy for a 31 year old man engaging sexually a 17 year old girl once again I must call for clear sexual laws and definitions with graduated consensual age guidelines.
Abducted aid worker pleads for life in new video
Acts such as this and the recent massacre of Iraqi National Guardsmen clearly frames Iraq as the primary target of the terrorists in that country. So why are the Iraqi people silent?
Jeffrey Jones Accused of Sex Abuse
Here we go again, but wait... seems like someone thinks they have an old lottery ticket!
Female teacher faces sex and drug charges
A 47 year old woman drugging and sodomizing groups of teenage boys? It's a shame that her crimes will probably go unpunished because just reading this puts one word in your mind- MENTAL!
Man creates largest origami penis
They say an image says a thousand words, and this is no exception. Nick Robinson's paper penis stunt is definitely worthy of Institute recognition.
A Titanic Surprise
Cool, clouds of packing material!
Domination by fossil fuels will cause carbon pollution to surge: IEA
Alright greenies, time for your dose of reality. All fossil fuels will be consumed eventually by someone, period. It may happen over the next hundred years or the next 10,000. But like it or not humanity will use these resources and live with the repercussions.
China slams as 'absurd' idea that EU satellite cooperation is military
Galileo- a turd by another name. The military application of GPS is an established fact. The Chinese participation in the redundant European GPS project is a direct challenge by the multi-polarists to US supremacy in space and on the battlefield. Can there be any other explanation to a constellation of 30 navigation satellites that duplicate the worldwide peaceful capability of the combined US/Russian constellations which can yield a civilian resolution of >3 meters? If the Chinese, or any other nation uses the European navigation satellites to wage war and the Europeans fail to curtail such activity then Galileo becomes a valid military target. One just has to wonder why the EU is dragging it's feet on such safeguards, that is unless I'm correct on their multi-polar aspirations.
New Human Species Found On Indonesian Island Of Flores
Don't tell Keith he's living on the Planet of the Mapes!
http://saturn.jpl.nasa.gov/home/index.cfm
posted by raymond 07:57
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