The Institute BulletinMonday, October 18, 2004
I'm Ba-ack!!
The past three and a half weeks has been very trying and demoralizing as one hurtle after another has taxed my creative energies. I hope now that I have a better handle on the chaos that would see me drained and broken. Provided I can control the pace of those who would carve a piece of my schedule I should be able to retake my duties and obligations here at the Institute for you, the people. Thank you all for the concern and feedback, enjoy the backlog.
U.S. officials: Al-Zarqawi group's statement credible
This message from al-Zarqawi smells of desperation for aid and credibility from al-Qaeda and their wider supporters, hence his renaming of his group to 'Unification and Jihad'. The more the merrier! let's get all our enemies on the same page and take 'em all out!
William Shatner sings again
At first I thought this was just a threat from the Canadian messiah. Then I realized this was just another sign of the apocalypse, unless Bone buys a copy.
Comment prompts plane evacuation
Thought crimes and paranoia. Every time common sense gives way to excessive reaction we are perpetuating the al-Qaeda victory on 9/11. Vigilance is fine, with measured response. The cellular customer in question could easily been discretely and effectively questioned while on the plane that was not going anywhere without undue delay and alarm.
Putin urges voters to back Bush
Plain, down to earth, and correct observations from Vladimir.
Ousted Aristide blamed for unrest
Aristide had his chance at the hand of the United States, and he failed. He should have been happy to live out his exile. If he is indeed still instigating when [not if] we have to once again intervene in Haiti we shall not be so magnanimous to him.
West: Belarus vote fails standards
Belarus president Lukashenko has a right to reign forever
The collapse of the Soviet Union hasn't yielded the fruits of liberty across the remains of the entire Evil Empire.
John Cleese's guide to wine
Didn't he once completely shave his body in a movie for an extra ?50? What a great, and cheap, way to keep the taps flowing for Cleese [read Cheese]. Drink wine and write hack, hell CJ can duu that!
Puppet sex? 'America'? $*&@#! yeah
Innovative? Sorry, Let My Puppets Come was there back in '76! That's not to say that this isn't a worthy successor, just that it took the mainstream 28 years to come around to Blueberry Hill's vision.
Iraq extends weapons amnesty
Wouldn't sex for guns be more of an incentive? OK, look at it like this- in the interest of free enterprise and competition we give 'em Iraqi Prostitute Funbucks and they can solicit the horizontal belly-dancer of their choice. What a great way to fight terrorism. Let the radicals take out their aggressions by beating their guns into plowshares [read plowing the prostitutes]. Maybe if Bin Laden was gettin' laid [laiden?] more he'd relax a bit! Hearts, minds, and libidos!
T4 Gears Up
ACK! Thanx to T3 the story's closure was cracked wide open and the franchise is poised to run amuck on your time and money with mandatory theatrical sequel attendance thanks to the infinite possibilities of temporal parallel realities.
thanx Gom
'It's Raining Men' singer dead
A dark day for Homer Simpson. We gotta get cracking on the 'It's Raining Spam' parody!
Mars Methane Boosts Chances for Life
Despite my revulsion that this means parts of Mars [my future home] will reek like Fluffy's room, It's still an interesting development in the search for extra-terrestrial life and the quest to debunk the narrow-minded-blinders-wearing-flat-earth-centrist-catho-creation-man's-devine-dominion-science-denilists.
thanx Ray Ians
Scalia: Orgies Ought to Be Encouraged
*gom sez* "I agree completely with the Judge. More sex all around in orgy fashion. Diminish the tensions between the sexes. Just use condoms and you'll be in good shape. You'll have lotsa sex and everyone will be a hell of a lot more relaxed about things. Bring back the Roman orgy. Afterall, Caligula refilled the empirial treasury back in the good old days by having an orgy where all the senators' wifeys had to prostitute themselves for the Roman masses in a gigantic orgy at the imperial palace. That's giving it all for your country. That's patriotism as it should be. I say orgies and make 'em public! This was NOT another Mike Emil announcement!"
thanx Gom
To clarify, in the view of the Institute, an orgy requires the direct sexual interaction of four or more people simultaneously in the same surroundings. This supposition is based on the fact that three-some is defined as a Menage à trois, a two-some is a coupling, and sex for one is masturbation.
Canada Plans Draft-Dodger Monument
This is a direct insult to the United States aimed directly at demoralizing our military. As such it is a defacto psychological attack on our military and should draw the protest of our State Department to the Canadian Government for such an official gesture by any level of the Canadian Government.
*Gom sez* "Just another example of the Canadians being smelly Frenchies white flag wavers underneath! First they send us William Shatner, now this! Bastards!"
thanx Gom
Introduction: Planet under pressure
The underlying fact is that the 6 points they feature are all due to the unspoken- overpopulation! It's about time somebody speaks up! But wait, we've had population warnings before we hit 4 billion 35 years ago! Vocalization and education are fine first steps but we need action!
thanx Gom
High Court Rejects Do-Not-Call Challenge
Fuck the marketers! Marketing should be regulated down to factual, measurable side by side comparisons solely of a product's features. Then let the market decide and reward only those whom produce a superior product!
thanx Gom
Top Cop Smokes Pot
You may find the irony scary, or you may be happy to see justice done. I do not see either. I am disgusted. Not simply by the arrogance of Chief Cara, or the complacency of his officers. What sickens me is that because of his position it took a thirteen-month investigation, a hidden camera, and a sting to nail this bastard where if it was just suspicion about you or me our doors would be busted down in an instant by a State raid! It is good to see him arrested, but this just highlights the insider cronyism that cloaks criminals in the ranks of those whom are charged with service and protection of the people. There has to be a better way and we must demand it!
thanx Gom
Magma Has Reached Surface of St. Helens
*Butch* I'm trying to hide from Lora-Puss, Kyle! Stop venting the volcano! I know the heat is making Finch chaff, but I don't want to go to new work and run 'puter! Here drink this!
*Kyle* That's terrible, Teddy. E-U! That has alcohol in it! Yuck Chris-n-e Emil. Double yuck!
thanx Gom
CONAN 3 has cash
Why, oh why do all these projects that cannot be done credibly without Schwarzenegger are surfacing only now after a string of lackluster performances and his new commitment to civil service? Talk about a decade too late!
thanx Gom
Hitchhiker Faithful To Adams
A remake by any other name...
thanx Gom
Son of THE THING?
Carpenter ready for THE THING 2?
Now hold your horses! First off, after the 'Escape From L.A.' rip-off of his own film, Carpenter should never be allowed to do a sequel again! Anyway, if Carpenter wants to do Thing 2 and Sci-Fi Channel is doing a Thing sequel to Carpenter's 1982 The Thing shouldn't somebody start cross-checking their projects so we don't have a split in the franchise timeline like the regrettable 'Night of the Living Dead' sequel split between 'Return of the Living Dead' films and 'Dawn of the Dead' films? And don't get me started on the convoluted plethora of Godzilla timelines!
thanx Gom
Old school STAR WARS rules at new fansite
It is about time someone outside the Institute has finally stood up and taken up the banner against the megalomaniac Lucas Menace. Their mission statement:
[quote] "BeforeTheDarkTimes.com was born specifically in honor of fans who choose to remember the STAR WARS saga for what it once WAS," the webmasters write in the site's forward. "That is, before the enhancements found in the Special Edition.. before the added scenes that now offset music scores and film fluidity.. before the 'Greedo shot first' debacle.. All changes which now allow us to refer to those days as, 'Before the Dark Times'."
We are glad to welcome www.beforethedarktimes.com in our alliance for common sense releases and respect for the fans, without which Mr. Lucas would be a lowly janitor. As we have stated many times before, with the technology of DVDs a final and complete edition of the Star Wars films could easily be produced with the playback options for any edition's playback with or without added scenes or deleted material which should satisfy everyone, except George.
thanx Gom
Israeli probe clears officer of schoolgirl shooting
Zionist pig! This was a heinous act of a deranged radical, this is a human rights violation and plainly immoral in anyone's eyes. This officer should not only face a court marshal and dishonorable discharge, but he should then be accountable to both Israeli and Palestinian civil law.
Squid catch stuns scientists
A humboldt squid? Sounds like Pravda material to me. Say a caricature of a giant squid labeled Humboldt/Valmont/CANDO with its tentacles squeezing the blood out of the Hazleton proletariat.
*Gom parodys*: *Finch Singing Badly* "Nuu! North to Alaska to get me some calamari! Nuu!"
Film prize for Star Wars creator
He needs this like we need yet another revision of the Star Wars Trilogy! Stop sucking up to this phony!
*Gom sez* "This oughta wake you up like a brick in the face!"
thanx Gom
Imax to show Star Wars' Clones
Great!, Another format for George to fuck with.
Sudan Denies 70,000 Dead in Crisis
So do something already! I'm sick of the empty promise of "never again"!
thanx Gom
Oil-for-Food Probe Includes Annan's Son
Was there any doubt that this was a crooked program right from the start? Let this stand as a lesson that the bureaucratic UN is not capable of managing a sanction circumventing humanitarian program. The crooked bedfellows of the UN, Saddam, and the Multi-polarists perpetuated the suffering of the Iraqi people for their own greed for 12 years!
*Gom sez* "Bad Chaffe and his son Folgers think that oiol is good to the last drop! "
thanx Gom
Motorcycle world abuzz at biker's 205 mph ticket
Haven't we gotten to the reality that stopwatches and clocked speed traps are notoriously inaccurate due to human error and police enthusiasm?
Rodney Dangerfield dead at 82
A true comic giant cast in the mold of Jackie Gleason. We loved Rodney. His humor was truly a class act, and he will be truly and deeply missed. Rodney's success came late in life and regrettably was never embraced by the entertainment industry. Now in his passing we all reflect on how his body of work touched and influenced our lives. Now that he is gone the Hollywood hypocrites will wrap themselves in his genius and feign respect in their greed. Rodney knew better, he knew that his success wasn't measured in money, but in his connection to his audience.
*Gom sez* "One of the funniest Jews left over from the fifties nightclub scene, Rodney Dangerfield really didn’t get any respect. He didn’t get enough publicity although he was a comic genius up there with Jackie Mason and Mel Brooks. And he certainly didn’t make enough movies and shows, especially when you got that stupid gun totting Martin Lawrence making remakes of a ‘Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court’ and Seinfeld just going on forever (and in re-runs now!). These kinds of people are not funny. Rodney was so many notches above those poor excuses for entertainers.
Although that movie about the cross-dressing boy soccer player could have been missed!
Just for his performance in Caddyshack alone, Rodney outshines everyone else in the cast and all he does is little walk-on zingers. The man is under-rated.
And don’t forget that he helped foster other great comedians through his nightclub Rodney’s (?) including the late-great Sam Kinison (another bastard who will be missed).
So where ever the hell you are Rodney, your passing leaves us all with one less laugh. You will be missed."
*Ray Ians sez* "youd better get to work on the moovie before all of fluffy's counterparts are dead!"
www.factcheck.org/
It's comforting to know that in the age of information someone is disseminating the accuracy of or spoon-fed politics.
www.jibjab.com/
And speaking of politics, no American can claim an informed vote without viewing these two satires!
Protest blockades Columbus Day parade
Famed Italian Columbus is no hero he was a loser. He did not discover America, which as his heroic claim to fame was in the service of Spain. And no, he did not cause genocide, as some would have you believe. If he didn't open the awareness of Europe and it's conquistadors someone else would have filled that nexus role eventually. Though not directly responsible for the crimes against humanity by those who followed him he was still a failed governor who was imprisoned in Spain and died a poor and broken retch. If any villainy is to be hung around his memory it would have to be the scourge of being the father of European Slavery in the Americas. Even that isn't quite as it sounds since slavery and indenturship were practiced by the Aztecs and many Native American civilizations.
100 SUNS
Now here's a coffee table book I'd like to have!
'Superman' star Christopher Reeve dead at 52
Awe crap! There goes my plan for Superman V: The Power of Cheese with a DFX body for Reeve blue-screened like Brandon Lee in The Crow! All kidding aside I do respect Reeve's acting. Even despite the severe shortcomings of Superman IV's everything, he still gave the performance the same effort as his more renowned works. One cannot deny his optimism despite his disability, recovering to still perform and tirelessly stumping for stem-cell research.
*Ray Ians sez* "not to mention, I was expecting it to be just a matter of time till he offered to do a cameo in the moovie, now thats shot to hell"
For the record the only role Chris Reeve was up for in the Institute Moovies was as Kyle 'Cheezy/Pickle' Clausius
Unprotected Nuclear Weapons Multiply
A very good accounting for nuclear weapon capabilities and aspirations worldwide from the 5 declared states, the undeclared possessors, the wanna-bes, to the gave upers. If you have any interest in WMD disarmament you want to read this.
Frist knocks Edwards over stem cell comment
I have to agree that Edwards was blowing sunshine and using Reeve's passing to his political ends.
Study: One in 100 adults asexual
The Bone Factor! He IS a one-percenter! This doesn't mean we're gonna stop pickin' on poor Bone!
Halloween on Sunday troubles some Southerners
Fucking ignorant moralists using any opportunity to force the silent majority to bend to their way of life! Just leave your porch light out like I do!
Pentagon: 7 ex-Gitmo prisoners return to terror
So, at what point do we just execute them?
Man jailed for sex with girls less than 15
You'd think this was from the files of Freeland.
Man not guilty of oral rape
'Oral rape'? Now wait a minute, we gotta get out definitions and terminology on the same page people!
"There are Too Many Germans!"
That's what Stalin said. But seriously it's nice to see that the Italians agree with the Institutes' opinion the EU ascending to the UN Security Council. Too many cooks...
USA presents Ukraine ultimatum
As it should be. There must be truth in democracy!
Sectarians inundate grieving Beslan, seek new members. Jehova's Witnesses and Scientologists have come to Beslan to create their image on people's grief
First the terrorists, now the cultists have descended upon poor Beslan to carpetbag their own slant on salvation, for a reasonable fee, capitalizing on the suffering of that community!
Russia and Georgia on verge of armed conflict
Oh great!
Unmanned Chinese Return Capsule Crashes Lands Into House
Oops!
China Marks Anniversary Of Its First Atomic Bomb
China To Build 3rd Station In Antarctica
US And Russia - What's Next?
Valuable, though diverse insight as to where our relationship with our Russian friends goes from here.
Analysis: Putin's Energy Bazaar
So, the bear holds the energy card close in hand, eh?
UN to visit Brazil nuclear plant Tuesday
I'll believe their clean when I see it.
Bush signs law pushing human rights, humanitarian aid in North Korea
Another click on the ratchet
Libyan mustard gas plant may be converted into pharmaceuticals factory
Libya, our WMD rehab poster child
Press Release Images: Spirit Mars Rovers Probing Water History at Two Sites
Press Release Images: Spirit 14-Oct-2004
Press Release Images: Opportunity Mars Rovers Probing Water History at Two Sites
posted by raymond 18:47
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