The Institute Bulletin

Friday, November 19, 2004

Not guilty plea in fake plastic surgeon case
The work of professional, licensed, accredited plastic surgeons is suspect. Now imagine what this freak did. Just say no to vanity surgery!

Five teens arrested in turkey-hurling incident
Follow up- Tossin' turkey doesn't pay.

Crematory operator pleads guilty
How can he say that he cannot give answers? He's the only one who knows what the hell was going thru his head! Hell even with a maximum sentencing that's like 13 days/corpse! This is justice?

U.N. abandons treaty to ban cloning
YES! One step closer to an army of Kellys lined up like OOM-9s!

www.kremlin.ru
Direct from Ivan's mouth!

'Chat-room rapist' to serve 10 years
Let this be a lesson to all men on this earth. Never, NEVER buy into the 'rape fantasy' even if she tells you directly. The only one who will get into a compromising position and get a screwin' in the end is you!

Police Look At Local 10 Porn Bus Investigation
So yet another investigative reporter [read leach] trying to grow a career stirring up shit.

Supercomputer Advances To New Level In China
Dragon on the rise

posted by raymond 19:31

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Thursday, November 18, 2004

Clinton dedicates presidential library
A monument to ego and 8 years of status quo

Powell: Intelligence suggests Iran trying to adapt missiles for nukes
Pardon my math, but if they only use 1000 centrifuges they should still be able to make a bomb every 18 months.

Crematory case families left wondering
Amazing! Absolutely amazing! After all the hearings and accusations we still don't know what motivated his bazaar actions? Why hasn't someone demanded an explanation?!!

Frozen turkey thrown from car injures woman
Just keep throwing around the turkey until somebody gets hurt. Soon you won't be able to purchase poultry in this country!

Mystery as Kim title, posters go
Funky Kim's at it again causing confusion and study around the globe. This guy has a bad hair day and the CIA has a late night! In related news Portraits of Bone are still in place at Institute properties world wide and he retains all of his titles including the notorious 'Dart ace!'

Car dealer demanded sex for discount
Never buy a car from Mahalic!

China ready to occupy US vacuum in Latin America
Looks like Ivan reads it right.

US notifies Congress of 1.3 billion arms package for Pakistan

posted by raymond 16:46

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Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Scientist: Man in Americas earlier than thought
It was only a matter of time for 'Clovis first' to be de-bunked, backwards that is. And I'm sure human's were in NA even earlier. Settlements will be uncovered as the polar ice recedes.

Catholic bishops join Christian alliance
Just stay outta politics or we'll send in the taxman!

'Virgin Mary' sandwich back on eBay
Where's Finch when ya need him? This is a story of ever heightening stupidity! Diana Duyser is the women who's faith has driven her to seeing the pagan idolized Virgin Mary everywhere in her surroundings. If anyone needs to take an inkblot test it's this nut that preserved her holy sandwich next to her bed for a decade! Yet she eagerly put the object of her misplaced faith on the auction block? I thought greed was a sin? Anywho somebody with half a brain at eBay caught this farce and killed the auction, but never followed thru on getting Diana the psychotherapy she needs. However evidently eBay officials are not immune to the demands of the ignorantly faithful and have reinstated the auction. Hell, I'm prepared to mass-produce the things provided I get paid, but they'd NEVER let me list 'em. Who ever said ya gotta have faith to fleece the ignorant? IDIOTS!

U.S. airborne laser advances to 'First Light'
Looks great on paper, but can you get an anti-ballistic airborne laser to the right place at the right time to effectively knock down a missile in it's narrow boost phase window?

Hassan: 'Abhorrent act' says Blair
After the murder of this woman, with her life long humanitarian dedication to the Iraqi people, how can any Iraqi citizen believe that the insurgency is fighting for the betterment of the people?

'This guy, he ruined my life' -- so man sues
So... I need to live in a community where "alienation of affection" is the law of the land. The Institute fully indorses the reinstatement of such legal practices if open infidelity is not negotiated as a part of the relationship.

US scramjet clocks nearly 10 times speed of sound
Great, but it's only practical application is transonic cruise missiles.

European Parliament votes to continue China arms embargo
It looks like the majority of Europeans support sensibility over greed. I can't help but notice that the actual votes are omitted from the report.

Nelson letters found almost 200 years after his death at Trafalgar
Funny the BBC didn't burn these!

posted by raymond 19:04

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Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Our previous poll results to the Institute question- 'What is the Freeland Tourism Authority's nuu slogan?'
60% - Former home of Sorrento's Pizza
40% - Churches and saloons, what more do you need?

The actual FTA slogan adopted for the holiday season of 2004 by Mayor Tim and local asshole Basil Sessock is 'All sewers lead behind Sphack's house'

This is believed to be a tie in for Freeland to the Greater Hazleton Cluster's 'Sewers for Tours' campaign, which is a euphamism for the Area's raping of legitamte state and federal small town tourism grants into kickbacks and bribes. Business- the Hazleton way!

posted by raymond 20:04

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Hungerstruck
a parody by Doyna Yar of 'Thunderstruck' by AC/DC

(hunger x10)

I was caught
In the middle of my cannibal snack
I am all round
And I knew there was no turning Sphack (hunger)
My hand diced
And I thought I could say nuu (hunger)
Then I knew
That I'd make Brian, make Brian into stew (hunger)

Scent of the bread
Baked into his clothes
I hunger for dead
Tore him apart
He's been - hungerstruck

Come down nine-forty
Broke the scale, I hit one ton
Come through to Jeddo, yeah Jeddo
And we'll have some fun
I ate some girls
Some Hadzicks who went to my school
Played with my hormones, broke all their bones
Yeah, yeah, they, they, made me all full

I was shakin' up the kepich
Just another squirt for Finch?
NARR! Those ladies were so dumb
They've been - hungerstruck, hungerstruck
Narr narr narr, hungerstruck

Narr
Doy, hungerstruck, narr

Now I'm shakin' up the kepich
Just another squirt for Finch?

Hungerstruck, hungerstruck
Narr narr narr, hungerstruck
Hungerstruck, narr, narr, narr

Nuu narr, I'm all fat
My hair's very fine
Doy, I'm all fat
My scalp's got a shine
(Oh my!)

Hungerstruck, narr, narr, narr,
Hungerstruck, hungerstruck, hungerstruck
Nuu baby, baby, hungerstruck
You've been hungerstruck, hungerstruck
Hungerstruck, hungerstruck, hungerstruck
You'll get hungerstruck

posted by raymond 18:58

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Sunday, November 07, 2004

Iraqi commandos seize Falluja hospital
And so it begins... TESTS- Let's see if our Iraqi friends are up to the task of independence and if we are up to the task of being the sole superpower in the world. Put up or shut up for the Iraqi government and ours. Time to do the job without political distraction. Hang tough!

France limits Ivory Coast pullout
Time for the French kettle to make us some hypocritical black tea.

Palestinian leaders to visit Arafat
How many Palestinian delegates does it take to screw in a light bulb, ...er I mean decide Arafat's dead? Don't take me wrong, we like Arafat's hard-line against the radical Zionist minority of Israel. If Jerusalem is the burial place for jewish kings [and terrorists] then why not Palestinian kings and terrorists? If the chairman is dead then please drop the political posturing and bury the man. Must his service to his people continue to be demanded even after his passing?

Suicide suspected at WTC site
Welp, one less vote for the Democrats to worry about. This is what happens to the weak minded when the only message a political party runs on is the removal of the other. When will the Democrats get their act together? Our system need's the faithful opposition! At that they are failing. The post-Clinton party is leaderless and out of ideas. The Democratic party must renew itself with fresh blood and a dynamic break from it's failed past.

The project to create the special Kremlin vodka involved most brilliant Soviet scientists
"It did not make me drunk, but it gave me a wonderful feeling of cheerfulness. It tasted remarkably. I cannot say that I drank too much of it, but I had no hangover in the morning at all." With testimonials like this it seems like ol' Nikita was ahead of his time with a vision of an 'elite vodka was supposed to be crystal clear, made of highest quality alcohol and water. In addition, the beverage was supposed to taste perfectly: no sugar, honey, glucose, or other softeners.' Thank Bone we live in a time when such a product is available to the proletariat- Skyy Vodka.

Nondrinkers to attack "Kalashnikov"
First black mark for Kalishnikov Vodka? I don't know about you but I don't know if I want to drink a vodka that "has been on the Russian market for over a decade now. In the course of these years, there has not been one instance when an individual wanted to get a hold of the gun and shoot everyone after drinking this vodka." It's not that I need a vodka to make me want to shoot people, it's the people that motivate me in that orientation. But I'm concerned that a vodka may hold me back from my true desires to shoot people, and who wants to live and drink a lie? However I will stay my judgement until I can consume several gallon of Kalishnakov for myself. Will I go on a shooting spree? 'You' had better hope not, but let's hope that is NOT a result of the inebriation because when alcohol influences you decisions you may have a problem.

Anti-nuclear protester killed by waste train
Darwinism in action! If a train won't stop for a school bus on the tracks why would it stop for a French greenie? It's not like chaining himself to the tracks was gonna get him laid! Besides, Greenpeace chicks don't shave ...anything!

Israel to sell spy planes to India: official
Oh fucking joy!

posted by raymond 21:32

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