The Institute Bulletin

Friday, September 24, 2004

Naked Wookiees and broken R2-D2s
This stinks of Lucasfilm™ PR trotting out the real creators of the original [read dead to Lucas] Trilogy, now re-edited for the second time, to take the edge off the criticism of Georgie's compulsive and selfish meddling. One just has to hope George doesn't read this and decide that 'yeah, the wookie should wear pants' or 'I never noticed Yoda doesn't smile... gotta fix that!' Why can't the fan base get together send GL a petition that if he doesn't respect their desire to have access to the original Trilogy on contemporary modern media, currently in the form of DVD, his Episode III will be boycotted.

Study: Alcohol tied to 75,000 deaths a year in U.S.
By their own inflated statistics annual alcohol-related driving fatalities represent only 0.00588% of American deaths. Liver and cirrhosis deaths are around 0.0075% (1996 stats). This is an epidemic? Don't these people have anything better to do? How about something with impact like a cheap, foolproof, effective, and timely consumer STD test? How about lowering the Stress of Living index?!!

Stripper pole in JU dorm draws crowd
This is absurd! What students do on their own time and in the privacy of their apartments, regardless of landlord, is exclusively separate from their schooling!

Primary school sex teaching is pornographic, says Church
They say pornography like its a dirty word. I'd like the Church to specifically explain how people are conceived without referencing sex! Arming our youth with sexual education is one of the most empowering and preventative measures we as a society can do to alleviate the cyclical suffering of unplanned pregnancy, STD transmission, emotional damage from poor sexual encounters, and promote mutual sexual respect among partners.

DVDs of executed hostages available on Iraqi markets
Shopkeepers who peddle such snuff tapes should be dragged into the street by our soldiers and publicly executed live on the Internet. Stick that in your insurgency!

Piercing fans modify their bodies with scar, brands and amputations
It seems America doesn't have a monopoly on stupidity...

posted by raymond 16:06

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Thursday, September 23, 2004

Iraqi leader: Elections will be held on schedule
Hang tough!

Oil falls as U.S. may open reserve
What we need to do is announce the construction of a new refinery or two, and invest in production across the former Soviet Union.

Woman killed by falling cross
God works in mysterious ways... hahaha!

Israel's bunker bomb buy irks Iran
Yeah, well this sale irks me too! What ever happened to the law that forbids sale of weapons that are used against civilian targets? The only reason I can see for this large sale, it has to be for Iran. After the election Iran is next on the chopping block.

Escaped gator Chucky caught in Alabama
Ivan returns alligators to their natural habitat- man intercedes.

Peril of the farting sheep: A solution is at hand
Talk about being anally environmental! Now to trick Fluffy into getting vaccinated!

High Energy Mystery Lurks At The Galactic Centre

Another celestial Butch sighting?

UN nuclear inspectors to Brazil in flap over hidden enrichment facility
The world's nuclear control regime is becoming more impotent every day. Who's kickin' around the bomb idea? Iran, the 2 Koreas, Japan, Taiwan, the Philippines, Myanmar [Burma], Saudi Arabia, and Brazil. I'm sure there are others too.

China says it strongly opposes US arms sales to Taiwan
Duh!

posted by raymond 13:22

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Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Web site reports another American hostage slain
So, at what point do we start to crucify these bastards?

Syrian troops redeploy in Lebanon
Another troop shell game.

Iraqi officials: 'Dr. Germ' to be freed on bail
Anyone who deliberately develops biological weapons should be put to death!

Japan pushes for U.N. Council seat
Axis of bureaucracy! Granted I can see India on the council, but only at the sacrifice of unifying the English and French seats into a European Union seat. How much of the world's agenda will get accomplished when every nation has a veto?

U.S. contacts Syria on Iraqi border security
Yeah right, Iraq in chaos only plays to the Syrian and Iranian agendas.

Man receives five years probation for strangling wife during sex
Idiots! Darwinism in action? Let's hope he doesn't get laid again.

GUARD GUILTY OF KINKY SEX WITH INMATE
Mahalic dreams

Brazil In Space: A Ukrainian Connection
Strategic competitors combining in unexpected combinations. And you thought Soviet missiles in Cuba was a threat...

Russia to put first S.Korean into space
I wish I could find a complete list of everyone who went into space, the dates and duration, and their nationalities. If I'm not mistaken the most people in space at simultaneously was 11, 8 on the shuttle and 3 on Mir.

Kalashnikov launches liquid weapon
A fine drink and a fine weapon!

Bush signs order lifting sanctions on Libya
I'll take Tripoli over Cancun any day...

posted by raymond 06:03

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Monday, September 20, 2004

Why Lucas tinkered with 'Star Wars'
Georgie Lucas on why I have no respect for the fans [read market] and my stupid rational for futzin' up MY movies! So the re-edit of the re-edit of the films we want was motivated by... video piracy!??? The first re-edit [read Special Editions] was done because George being happy is more important that 20 years of audiences being happy with the work. The originals won’t be out on DVD, you stuck getting 'em on VHS cuz to Georgie they don't exist [da blinders]! And finally GL doesn't pay attention to fans [he never could communicate to them], though he made significant hackings of his 'vision' under peer pressure. I give you the mother of all idiots- George Lucas!

Hooker hijinks get cops in trouble
Police should have to pay for hookers, just like the rest of us law-abiding citizens!

Ex-officer faces up to 31 years on sex charges
What, Mahalic change his name and municipality again?

Ono unveils naked tribute to Lennon
Just keep milking his corpse!

Blair backs India's quest for permanent seat on UN Security Council
Like the UN isn't hamstrung enough? Would Blair surrender the British seat for the Indies and relay on the French to represent European interests? Let's not forget Germany, Japan, Brazil, Mexico, and South Africa! Everyone in an army cannot be a general and everyone at the UN cannot be on the Security Council!

US Lifts Exports Controls On Equipment For Indian Nuclear Facilities
Bad move! Any cooperation on civilian nuclear programs should be tied to nuclear disarmament in addition to non-proliferation.

China Test-Firing New Cruise Missile Which Threatens Taiwan: Journal
More good news!

posted by raymond 13:14

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Thursday, September 16, 2004

pfffft....aaaahhh

posted by raymond 18:10

(0) comments

The Lucas world, pre-'Star Wars' A return to 'THX 1138'
I call this beating a dead horse. No, not the re-release of THX but rather my compulsion to take yet another well deserved swipe or twelve at Georgie Lucas. As was recently discussed here at the Institute, THX is a very thought provoking film with long reaching poignancy. This withstanding the film we see as serious and deep Georgie admits he sees as 'humorous'. HUH? As a matter of fact he shot American Graffiti with a comedy in mind. What?! Yup, GL has 'Lucasvision' and that means what he sees in his films is not what the audience gets. Same film, bad brain. George has been outta touch since he started directing! That means that the only three films he has done of any caliber [ANH inclusive] were complete flukes! Their appeal had nothing to do with his 'vision'! Now that GL has the final Star Wars Episode III in the bag, wrapping up the final Star Wars story he has the money to do the exact same thing he did after wrapping up the final Star Wars story Return of the Jedi. He’s gonna go and make lousy films for a decade. Do I smell Howard the Duck II or is that a prequel? After which, with funding dwindling, we get raped yet again with a forth re-edited 'vision' of the 2nd SW Trilogy and Special Edition theatrical release of the 1st SW Trilogy! Followed those insults well get GL announcing [and changing his story for the umteenth time!] that he will be returning to finish the last three Star Wars films to at long last complete the Star Wars Saga's final story[?] all according to his ego-centric master plan! Thank you Georgie, you outta touch hack bastard!

In-car sobriety devices challenged
I am absolutely appalled that 45 states require these nuisance feel-good devices that do nothing to protect the public and humiliate and endanger those who don't circumvent them. This isn't just silly, it's getting ridiculous! First off, no one should be forced to pay to develop incriminating evidence against them, it's like being forced to testify against yourself in court. Secondly, the universal application of such devices, and all other vehicular sanctions for DUI fail to take into account other drivers for the vehicle. What if I want to loan, rent or give my vehicle out for the duration of such sanctions? If the owner of a dealership, autoshop, or auto rental business then what? The truth of the matter, for all you bubble-headed soccer-moms and politicians who knee-jerk suck up to them, there is absolutely no way to prevent someone from driving under the influence short of incarceration. That is absurd for a peccadillo where there is no injury or property damage. All these other penalties from license suspension, vehicle impound, and dipshit ignition interlocks are easily circumvented. Hell a drunk with no car or license can still steal one! We live in a society that driving isn't a right or a privilege but a mandate. In California they want to license illegal aliens to drive! Why??? Because driving is required to be a productive contributing worker/consumer in our society. So let's cut out all the bullshit and redundant penalties of a thousand pin pricks! I would suggest the only penalty for DUI and it's repetition should be incrementally crushing financial penalty based on percentage of actual income, period! Any other damages are already well covered under existing non-alcohol condemning legislation.

Johnny Ramone dies at 55
Another year, another dead Ramone. If I was Tommy I'd be eatin' my wheat germ!
*Gom* "This just nutz! I think that leaves the original drummer left and a couple of add-on ramones from over the years! Geez! I wanna be sedated! Good luck on the other side boys!"
Thanx Gom, Denim is an idiot!

Annan: Iraq war was 'illegal'
This is like me saying smoking is 'illegal' in my house, it has no baring on the real world. What about the 40 odd conflicts going on at any given time around the world? What about the might-be-genocide in Sudan that the diplomats at the UN are splitting definition hairs over until everyone there is dead? I wonder how Kofi shaves in the morning without looking in the mirror!
*Gom* "In the words of Darth Sidious: 'I will make it legal!' After all, Sidious is the only dynamic person in Star Wars and the only one with any balls!"
Thanx Gom

Rodney Dangerfield recovering slowly
The Institute hopes Rodney enjoyed his Hickory Farms and resulting extended recovery. We would also like to see Rodney left in peace from all the Hollywood leaches that are feigning showing the man respect.

Teachers lose tax breaks for class expenses
Classroom supplies should be solely purchased by the school district, which should be solely funded by the parents of the students. School Tax should only be levied against PARENTS!

Group visits N. Korea blast site
I'd still wager it was a conventional calibration test before an actual nuke test. It's interesting that the Pentagon or Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists hasn't released any seismic info.

Redondo police investigate bizarre assault
And our word of the day- peccadillo*! I think it would be very therapeutic for men to occasionally laugh at pussy!

*peccadillo- A small sin or fault. A slight trespass or offense; a petty crime or fault. A petty misdeed. See also: anything I do.

'Dubya' whipped in fetish video
Wouldn't this make more sense if it were Clinton, or would that be too close to reality. Can you say strap-on Hillary?

Russia and USA stand shoulder to shoulder to struggle against terrorism
After seeing how hamstrung the Russian military was in Beslan, it's now plainly obvious to Russia's friends and foes alike that they are in a terrible state of atrophy. Beslan will only rally those who would see Russia collapse. Putin's curtailing of Russian democracy in the form of direct appointment of regional governors isn't gonna help. Russia needs military reform, but much more than that. Russia needs leadership with the vision to get Russia off the east-west fence. Russia must overcome it's paranoia of the West and the West must redouble it's economic ties to Russia. The future of Russia's security will be as a full member of NATO. The only question is whether that membership is before or after a military disaster.

Firearm fever in Russia
The Right to Keep and Bare Arms, not just an American ideal anymore. Soon the Russian people may have more firearm liberties than us!

Are methamphetamines becoming a work place staple in America?
Another public secret brought to you by your fine masters at CAN't DO.

China's space program seeks approval for new-generation rocket
Bigger is better!

UN says more needed to fight population growth, poverty
Championing the obvious!

US doubts report on Syrian chemical weapons testing in Darfur
I'll believe the State Department after the election.

EU launches gendarmerie force, as security review continues
The French are at it again bolstering the EU's redundant military capabilities that are meant to supplant NATO.

China agrees 750 mln dlr deal to supply Pakistan with four frigates
The PLAN always can always spare a few frigates to hedge against India.

Russia and France conduct joint naval exercises in Atlantic
Need ing a much needed morale boost, the Russian navy are conducting exercises with the French navy. The Russians will focus on confidence building by charging in to battle to blazing Russian symphonies while semen on various French vessels will compete to raise the white flag of surrender, the winning boat gets the honor of preparing borsht for the Russian commander.

Decision on British citizenship for Gurkhas due in weeks: Blair
The brave and fierce Gurkhas deserve citizenship for their years of service to the crown. Any nation who would employ foreigners to their defense should honor those people with the full rights and benefits befitted to citizen soldiers. By that I mean that America should be ashamed for the betrayal of our Philippine forces in WWII!

Press Release Images: Spirit 03-Sep-2004

Page Three girls - the naked truth
The Institute would like to throw our full weight to the Pravda Page Three Project and we encourage our audience to email Hazleton Pravda to voice your support for the project.
*Omnipervert* "La-la-la-la....Page Three Girls!"
Thanx Gom

Stronger Warnings for Child Antidepressants
The Institute is strongly against the convenient use of antidepressants on anyone as a fix. Depression is a very serious condition that must be corrected, not medicated away. Heavily monitored medication in conjunction with long term group counciling with the eventual goal of improvement the quality of life and mutual respect among those surrounding the afflicted is the only way correct serious depression. Parents, relatives, partners, and medical personnel need to be much more responsible participants in the process.
*Gom* "Well, yeah! These ain't the FUN drugs! These are the ones to make you more productive and useful to sociaety...Where's the fun in that?"
Thanx Gom

Simpson is in THE DUKES OF HAZZARD, Singer will be Daisy Duke
Hillbilly chicks may be alotta things, but they're not anorexic!
*gom* "So Bone's new wifey is a Blonde[?]"
Thanx Gom

posted by raymond 14:05

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Sunday, September 12, 2004

Concern Georgie Lucas
Editorial by Councilman Gom

The majority of the Institute Council has been ‘discussing’ vehemently the latest changes George Lucas has made to his now FLUID project called The Star Wars Saga for three days now. Having wasted that time already, I suggested it must be worth a Bulletin Rant. I think that Doyna Yar covered the ridiculousness of Lucas’ so-called ‘vision’ when he expressed his utter disgust of a third edit of films that many of us grew up with and loved as-is! However, being that we, the council have wasted these three days grumbling about the nonsensical changes, I feel that I Gombeggar must offer my two cents.

The Greedo scene alone is enough to make me blow my stack. It was fine the first time when Han behaved as a mercenary in a life-death situation and defended himself from a BOUNTY HUNTER, i.e. a dangerous murderous person who expected to bring Han Solo in dead or alive to a gangster. It is a totally valid scene. Changing it was dumb the first time around just to make Greedo shoot first. Who cares? Now to make them both shot simultaneously is pathetic. And it is all because George got ribbed about it by fans of the movies. He couldn’t admit failure and return the scene to the original, no. He had to make a mind-numbing compromise between his ‘vision’ and what his audience likes best which is the original cut of the Greedo scene. Then to go further with his senseless revisions, how about using Hayden Christensen in the final ‘ghost’ sequence of ‘Jedi’ along with old Ben and old Yoda. So you have old Ben, old Yoda, and fine and young Anikin. What sense does that make? Anakin dies an old withered corpse. It’s fitting enough that he is show as a whole elderly man. What the hell? He’s dead anyway he doesn’t have to be some young ladies man or something. George Lucas is just so out of touch with not only the film industry; but society and reality that he doesn’t even know how to tailor his films to meet mass appeal let alone make sense! At least not anymore. The man is ruining his own work on the audience that made him into a gazillionaire all in the false name of artistic integrity. Just because he is trying to hone a work of his own art does not give him the right to continuously augment it depending on how the wind blows up his skirt that day. As I expressed in council, it would be as if Leonardo Da Vinci pulled ‘The Last Supper’ down from the museum or someone’s home who commissioned it and took it away for a year to paint moustaches on Christ and add a few more apostles because he wasn’t happy with it. Once it’s done, especially as a movie, it’s done. If art becomes so fluid just to maintain the changing mind of the artist, then nothing is ever done and therefore art which is the human capacity to capture and interpret the universe in a communicatible medium becomes a moot point. Art becomes useless. And Lucas is drawing very near to making his art useless.
Thanx Gom

posted by raymond 10:52

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North Korea cloud 'not nuke blast'
So, ... their speculating this was Funky Kim doing DPRK Independence Day fireworx?

Photo may be first of extrasolar planet
Scientists are still trying to enhance a plaid section on the image and are boggled as to the star's subsequent disappearance.

Clinton walking hospital halls after surgery
Slick Willie 'therapeutically' chasing nurses

Saudi Arabia names date for first elections
Red or Blue, er Blue or Grey?

Schwarzenegger outlaws sex with corpses
Cybernetic organisms still legal partners...

Man jailed for sex video revenge
And the lesson of the story- always get a release when filming sex!

Road spikes stop streak
Another victimless crime becomes excuse for police to endanger public and blame the naked!

Australian customs seize snakes, bird eggs from air passengers
Brant is just gonna have to wait for that exotic python -n- eggs breakfast.

Iran could join the nuclear-arms club by 2007
An interesting outline nation by nation

posted by raymond 09:02

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Friday, September 10, 2004

Pam Anderson lends name to KFC boycott
Our second favorite 'faux beauty', after Trish Stratus, is trying yet another venue to keep her notorious fame- activism. Who woulda thunk it, the woman who by comparison makes Barbie™ look like a realistic role model for young girls, is stumping for PETA's Kentucky Fried Cruelty campaign. I smell a publicist. One just has to wonder if the plastic bombshell actually has opinions or whether they are implanted as well.

Atari hits gamers with blasts from past
Nice idea, but all true retrogamers know that these were meant to be played on authentic consoles and controllers, to do otherwise loses much of the nostalgic point. Oh yeah- Death to Jack Tramiel, the home computer anti-Christ!
*gom* 'Dooom!'

Scientists sift wreckage of Genesis
Who's up for latex solar omelets?

Al-Zawahiri: U.S. faltering in Afghanistan
9/11, they celebrate, we remember...

New ring discovered around Saturn
*Finch* "Nuu! I have rings! I'm being orbited by cracker crumbs and bullion!"
Thanx Gom

Guess who the DUKES OF HAZZARD are?
Their not Butch & Bone Duke!

Lucasfilm Defends DVD Changes
I've been trying to avoid this like the plague, but apparently I'm already infected with LUCAS*! I will try to keep my outrage brief and deadly. In his infinite wisdom [read insecurity], GL has once again decided to mutilate his former re-vision of the Special Edition of Star Wars Saga's middle Trilogy [breath]. It seems that 97's mutilation in the name of his twenty year hindsight 'vision' just doesn’t cut the cheese anymore for Georgie. The impotent 'director' who's Episode I 'vision' was cowed by the likes of Ronny Opie Howard and Stephen 'Extra Testicle' Spielburg and Episode II 'vision' was reworked in the face of the underground classic cut The Phantom Edit is once again flip-flopping and revising history and art. Ted Turner is an obscenity for colonizing classic films, but his crime against cinema pales to the revisionist Hollywood hacks who are mangling our collective cultural art in the name of the artist's right of presentation. I have no problem re-working and re-editing a film or other work until the artist is satisfied, however any such permanent alteration after public receipt is a betrayal of the very public the work was produced for. His persistent tampering of a public work is as self-destructive as Michael Jackson's vanity surgery addiction! If Georgie didn't like his original edit of A New Hope then he should have sat on the footage until 97! I can't wait until George is dead and we the public [and market] can finally take all his wishy-washy edits of whimsy that have been ripping us off for decades and cobble a proper absolute final version without the 'vision' of this madmoron interfering. Viva Le Fantôme Éditent!

*LUCAS- Acrinym for 'Lucas Undermining Cinematic Audience Satisfaction', a disease of the psyche typified by megalomaniac insecurity, introversion, and compensation. There is no known cure, but we are all the victims. Poster child GL.

Florida braces for third hurricane
To quote Bugs Bunny 'South America, take it away!"

Internet porn ban enacted for Phoenix libraries
Porn, like all works regardless of medium, are art and the public has the right to access!

GIRL, 12, BLAMED BY JUDGE FOR SEX ATTACK
The Institute applauds judge Michael Roach's discretion in this case. While we do not dispute Mr. Norris' claim that "There is no way anybody under 16 is able to make a genuine and informed decision about sex." we would contend that a consensual decision, informed or not, is still a consensual decision and not coercion. Also, due to the lack of a proper sexual education program and moralistic stifled sexual dialogue in this nation I would argue that very few adults could pass a test about making a 'genuine and informed decision about sex.' We need clear definitions and dialogue, how many accused rapists are victims of their sexual ignorance?

Scientists Glimpse Exotic Matter In A Neutron Star
Among the exotic materials spied were rust, Ford Red enamel, carbon monoxide, and limejuice.

posted by raymond 10:27

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Wednesday, September 08, 2004

$10m reward for Chechen rebels
Russia prepared for pre-emptive strikes on 'terror bases' worldwide
The Russians offering money! Looks like their serious. They say their prepared to attack terrorist targets anywhere in the world. For now I say that means Chechenya and possibly Georgia. Good thing they ruled out nuclear strikes, yeast!

Floppy disk nears obsolescence
But I'm just about to incorporate the first 3.5" floppy in an Atari 8-bit!
*Gom* "Doooom!"

China toll rises, dam on alert
Three Gorges trial by fire... er water.

posted by raymond 07:43

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Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Putin blasts U.S. on terror stance
Looks like Chechenya is back on the front burner.

What's to be done about Ground Zero
There's still an argument? I cannot see anything short of a national memorial for the entire footprints of the towers. Any other greedy aspirations cloaked in capitalist zeal would be like putting a strip mall on Arlington National Cemetery, hot dog vending at the Tomb of the Unknown or selling pieces of the USS Arizona as tourist trinkets. To do so would only serve to emphasizes our immorality and legitimize the reasoning behind the terrorist attacks. Respect must take precedent!

Florien man accused of having sex with a chicken
Never mind the hurricanes, Florida cracks down on bestiality! No Harkers!

Russia and Israel to join forces in anti-terrorist cooperation
Israel offers Russia unprecedented cooperation, a good move?

The Grid Becomes A Reality
We can finally get that there Higgs Boson weighed!

Center's 'Chicken Gun' Helps Shuttle Return To Flight
Doesn't Jimmy have one of these? Something to do with gravy compression reflux?

Missile Defense To Tie US To Iraq, Afghanistan, Caspian, Experts Warn
Kazakhstan, where's Kazakhstan? Iran isn't the only potential ICBM site in Asia and Kazakhstan is the answer.

posted by raymond 07:09

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Monday, September 06, 2004

Two Muppets named top scientists
With any luck this is our top story of the day. Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant Beaker came in first with 33%, followed by Spock [15%], The Doctor [13%], and then the rest of the losers. So, the Brits prefer Trek to Who, proof of American stupidity poisoning their well. It seems like the British Association for the Advancement of Science is taking up issues that were once our hallmark here at The Institute. Well that's one less meeting we'll have to schedule.

Record crowds for Burning Man festival
I knew there was a big burning hole in my calendar!

Siege prompts horror among Arabs
Arabs have to decide to face facts and put their house in order or stick their heads deeper in the sand.

Taste for the dead in desperate Marshall Islands neighbourhood
Jenrok, Freeland of the Pacific?

posted by raymond 04:36

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Sunday, September 05, 2004

Clinton flooded with well-wishes before surgery
I'm sure he's prefer cheesecake, a meatball hoagie, or Hickory Farms.

Man accused of stalking with GPS
Smart, but so dumb. GPS, cellular, satellite, and the Internet just to be done in because he was too stupid to tie the phone's power into the car's electrical system with a $10 cable!

Charity Worker in Sleep-Walk Sex Attack
WEEEEEE!

Boss 'forced me to hear sex fantasies'
Did she ever think of just walking away?!!

Russian President's address to the Nation

Vietnam hoping to cash in on its painful past
Touring Indochina's battlefields? What's next reenactments? It's difficult to imagine cashing in of a conflict that lasted about 40 years!

Disappointed EU torn over how to handle Iran
And the Iranians are sitting back and laughing as their plans roll forward. This isn't about energy, it is about Iranian power and European greed.

North Korea relishes South Korea nuclear woes
Way to go Seoul!

German army worried by increasing number of fat soldiers: report
Germany- "an XXL nation". The Hun is ahead of America again! We must close the obesity gap!

Comic Dangerfield stable after op
Jeez Rodney! We at The Institute wish Rodney a quick recovery and will be sending him some Hickory Farms as well.

Unheard Clash songs aired by BBC
*gom* "It's funny how the BBC 'loses' so fucking much film footage that turns up decades later at bus stops and church basements. They should be beaten with the 'Archive Stick'!
Viva el Medico Quien [The Medico lives That]!"
'Archive Stick'- The 'Archive Stick' is just like an oriental canning, but called thus when beating stupid englishmen and woman of the BBC!
Thanx Gom

French Egyptologists Defend Pyramid Theory
Since the French shot the nose off the Sphinx they should have been forever banned from all of Egypt's antiquities!
*gom* "We are French....Let us destroy ancient treasures! Viva la revolucion! (White flag noted)" Bastards!
Thanx Gom

posted by raymond 03:19

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Saturday, September 04, 2004

Putin: Siege force not planned
Russian school siege jolts world leaders
Why did Russia fail to resist terrorism threat?
It's very evident, at least to me, that whatever oppression the Chechns live under could not have inspired such a cowardly attack on innocents. Clearly this is an action inspired and directed from outside forces, like al-Qaeda, to further their perverted 'crusade' against the civilized world. Such large-scale terrorist attacks are designed to overwhelm the world's anti-terrorist units that are simply not designed to deal with a group larger than perhaps a dozen. Dare I say even a company-sized version of Rainbow Six or Delta Force would have trouble grasping such a large cell.

'Weird Al' Yankovic attacked by green moths
It's nice to know that Al still has some sort of work, though I have to admit this story makes no sense.

Miss Universe Suffers Wardrobe Malfunction
Miss Universe hits the skids [marks]! Normally I would post this but Councilman Gom, with more than a little editorial input from his assistant Vlad, spend a bit of effort on a commentary. And so I give you: Gombeggar's The Universal Stink of Pussy
*gom*"See now for wearing panties during this incident...I think her Miss Universe crown should be revoked...not in the sense of the James Bond film, License Revoked, which shoulda been 'License to Kill' as it was originally...or the whole 'Revenge of the Jedi' thing either! I just think that a stinky female that we elect the best of her half of OUR species shouldn't be wearing underwear and showing off her butt cleavage! The whole incident should have been a party! Missed opportunities. If she's so great she should have to share it both visually and in matters of brothel intercourse, and of course if she's that special she ought not ot be stinky and need to wear panties to hide the female stink anyway!"
--Gombeggar
Thanx Gom ? Vlad

Nuu book by Mike Emil- 'Love, Sex, and Empty Pockets'

Bill Clinton awaits heart surgery next week
It was really amusing that all the news shows ran long video montages of Clinton's gluttony, his only positive trait.
*gom* "It seems Phil Hartman's impersonation of Clinton at McDonald's was a little TOO close to the truth!"
Thanx Gom

Florida tourism grinds to a halt
No no no! This is all wrong! It should go sumthin' like this: Hurricane Season in Florida- 'come on down and loot something!' Just refocus on Disaster Tourism, and a hurricane inspired spike in prostitution among the homeless and needy.

Bird flu spread by cats investigated
Yet another reason to avoid the swamp-like Safari del Rancho del Gato de la Kapes!

$5 million trooper misconduct settlement
So, Freeland saves $7.5 million or so?

Priest jailed over child porn
So, it's 1 month for every 666 images, eh?

Vegas landlord to stand trial on child porn charges
Yeah, he was monitoring their waste of water, that's the ticket!

Flasher targets girls on avenues
I would just like to say that regrettably I have not been near the San Fransisco area.

Sexist no-sex signs replaced in Bangkok
Well perhaps if the city would provide alternative places for youths to have sex or encourage motels to charge by the quarter-hour the transit system wouldn't be so sticky!

Man says antique condoms are 'huge'
I smell an auction!

German caught having sex with doll
First off I am offended that authorities are so insensitive and prejudicial in calling his date a 'doll', that de-humanizing. Secondly I cannot vouch that Chris hasn't visited Berlin or if his other dates are jealous.

Man pleads guilty to sex with infant in Internet case
Since he spared the community the cost by pleading guilty I think it is only just that he be spared the cost of imprisonment and be directly buried alive!

USA and Russia dominate on arms market, despite delivery cuts
Making the world a safer place for conventional warfare. The figures have always been skewed since so much of US exports are highly technological in nature and not simple munitions and firearms.

Russia to resume serial production of its famous air-giant "Ruslan"
Great nuus for Brant! The Antonov is back, don't be the only kid on your block not to own a predecessor to the An-224! Some things you might do with your new Russian cargo behemoth: fly all your Spetsnaz buddies around, crusin' all the fat chicks you can imagine, airdrop 120 tons of onions to Sudan for humanitarian relief, fly that reclusive fatman's Cajun ass up from New Orleans, and frequent trips to the liquor store will become a thing of the past! Thank you Aviastar-SP for the official cargo aircraft of The Institute [after the C-130]. (note to self- earmark 80 mil for Bone's 124)

US Plans Take-Away Nuclear Power Plants
Ooooo! Aaahhhh! *singing* Little pink SSTARs for you and me. Just don't let Kyle buy any!

Probable Discovery Of A New, Supersolid, Phase Of Matter
So... Councilman Oluka has achieved "nonclassical rotational inertia", which makes it difficult for him to rotate with mechanical aid. Hey, don't blame me, he's the dense guy with helium-4 for blood!

Researchers Spin Carbon Nanotubes Into Usable Fibers
Rice Refining Production Of Pure Nanotube Fibers
Bring on the carbon nanotube lingerie! Can you say bulletproof panties?! Better living thru science, an Institute motto.

White House stresses global adherence to nuclear safeguards
Pudding proof that a DPRK or Iranian test will cause the atomic dominos to fall and we can kiss the global nuclear control regime goodbye!

Cannibal signs over media rights
Fifteen minutes of blues! Does he get early release if they want a sequel?
*gom as Finch* "Nuu...you can do anything you want with my life story as long as you feed me! That arm looks kinda tasty! Doy!"

posted by raymond 10:13

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Thursday, September 02, 2004

Siege negotiations 'break down'
We stand in solidarity with our Russian allies.

Arrest in stem-cell lab blast probe
Now the same zealot freaks who have attacked abortion clinics are really splitting hairs! One of the pieces to clinical immortality and they just can't live with it!

'Scorpion Queen' out to reclaim record
We gotta get the 'Scorpion Queen' together with the 'Black Widow', now that would be interesting!

Japanese military wants fatter budget for missile defence, intelligence
In their neighborhood who could fault them?

Thailand to purchase renowned 'Su' pursuit plane for 250,000 tons of bad quality poultry
'Sukhois for chicken' [burp!], barter of the post cold war world? Kinda reminiscent, in a purely perpendicular fashion, to our regrettable 'sex for hostages' with Iran debacle in 80s Lebanon.

Russian carelessness attracts terrorists
A candid reflection on Russian security

Russian arms to flow to Iraq
This, like any extra-coalition contracting, is just outright wrong. Those who stood against the liberation of Iraq are now circling like greedy French buzzards. There should be a decade long ban on extra-coalition contracting! That aside, I would imaging that Iraq is brimming with small arms anyway, what they don't have could easily come from our military industrial suppliers.

Every fifth man has women's brains
Nuu Russian studies confusing 'think meat' notions.

Iran says will launch first satellite in April
Shi'ite Sputnik?

China's Secret Cape Canaveral A Sprawling City Of 15,000
Jiuquan, on my relocation shortlist? I hope they have stripers!

China, US close to deal on nuclear technology trade: report
Not good, I say the Russians can keep this sector.

US hopes to conclude WMD talks with Libya this month
Gravy!

Finland rules out applying for NATO membership
The cost of an alliance should be the reintroduction of Finlandia Cranberry!

posted by raymond 07:14

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Wednesday, September 01, 2004

September 1st, 'Don't go back to school day' [cartoon network, will they observe for a second year?]. 20 more daze until Autter [August 25th thru September 20th] gives way to Autumn.

Schwarzenegger: "My immigrant dreams came true" in America.
Ich bin ein Republikaner! It's good to hear positive opinions of Nixon.

Attackers seize Russian school
The shit's really hit the fan in Russia.

Militants kill 12 Nepal hostages
So, you'll notice this happens after al-Sadir got his fat outta the fire, they're tag-teaming! If only we had the likes of the Mega-Powers or Natural Disasters! Nope, we gotta send in Tajiri and Rhyno!

Curfew imposed in Kathmandu
The cycle continues is there any nationality they haven't attacked?

In search of Earth, new class of planets found
Just as it's a rare day that an Atari product surfaces that I haven't seen before, it is even fewer and far between when two council members forward the same story for The Bulletin. Whether as a deep desire to escape the Earth or to actually become a celestial-sized human such a journalistic collision has occurred and I am making it unanimous.
Thanx Councilmen

Bush twins lighten convention with jokes
...and then the low point of the evening.

U.S. 'defector' to turn himself in
I fail to see what could be accomplished with mercy for him.

Man Sentenced for Watching Porn in Car
Three weeks for a victimless crime!

Leaders of Russia, France and Germany to join efforts in fighting terrorism
The little C-3, the 'Group of Complacient-3 Nations', talk tough; little substance.

98% of Russians distrust banks
The intelligence of the Russian populous is truly unquestionable. We have much to learn from them.

Russians drink 215 million decaliters of vodka a year, 40% of it is illegal
The intelligence of the Russian populous is truly unquestionable. We have much to learn from them.

Chinese forge Russian merchandise
Why should the Russians feel left out, the Chinese are the preeminent forgers, great borrowers, and copycats of the modern era. But as our Russian friends are finding out, emulation is not always flattering.

India plans to build long-range missiles with Israel: official
Just what the world needs- Zionist ICBMs, this does not bode well.

Putin says Iran must not become nuclear power
Playing both sides, how French of Putin. If Iran doesn't seek nukes, then why not a light water reactor?

Israeli warplanes fly over south Lebanon
The latest in a long line of Israeli contempt for the sovereignty of it's neighbors.

Patrick Stewart Undergoes Heart Procedure
*Gom* 'This is a re-run! I saw this episode of Next Generation! Capt'n Baldo bonds with Wesley (before he becomes a lush) in this one. Stupid spike tv! Arrrgh!'
*Doyna* 'No... well yes, it is a re-run. But this is the one where he has to do physical therapy with John de Lancie in purgatory. On the plus side he was laughing like a raving loon at his mortal wound. I can appreciate that.'
Thanx Gom

No STAR WARS VII - IX says Lucasfilm
Episode VII- The Hippocratic Lucas, so he's like revised history again!
Thanx Gom

posted by raymond 06:36

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