The Institute Bulletin

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Big Bald Finch
A Parody by Doyna Yar of Big Bad John by Jimmy Dean as covered by Johnny Cash Inspired by the epiphany notion upon Dean’s passing of Finch’s country music obsession as a connection to Jimmy Dean’s sausage. No, I do not drink enough.

Big Finch
Big Finch

Every morning at the school, you could see him arrive.
He stood 6 foot 6, weighed 345.
Kind of broad at the belly, bald as a cue.
And everybody watched their hands when he’d chew Big Finch.

Big Finch
Big Finch
Big Bald Finch
Big Finch

Nobody seemed to know why Finch carried a comb
He just flutter about town denying his dome.
He didn't say much, ‘cept doy and NARR!
And if you spoke at all, he’d sit in your car Big Finch.
Somebody said he came from Rock Glen,
Rumor he had some hair and was thin back then.
Big bones, bald genes, and fast food made him expand,
sent that Chris Harmon fella to McDonaldland.

Big Finch
Big Finch
Big Bald Finch
Big Finch

Then came the day in the school lunchroom of crime,
when ol’ Betty cracked and kids started crying.
Minors were praying, and hearts beat fast
and everybody thought they had eaten their last
’cept Finch.
Through the din and the joke of this state made hell,
walked a giant of a man that the minors knew well.
Grabbed a sausage biscuit and gave out with a ‘Nuu!’,
and like a leafless oak tree he just stood and chewed, Big Finch

Big Finch
Big Finch
Big Bald Finch
Big Finch

And with all of his strength, he gave a mighty shove.
Then as Corcoran fell down, the bald one’s beloved!
And 200 kids scrambled from that evil witch
now there’s one left down there with the bitch, Big Finch.
With fists and outrage, they started back down,
then came that rumble way down in the ground.
And as smoke and gas belched out of that school,
everybody knew it was the end of the fool, Big Finch.

Big Finch
Big Finch
Big Bald Finch
Big Finch

Now they never re-opened that worthless hole,
They eventually sold it to Citterio’s.
These few words are scrawled on its wall,
'From the bottom of this Hell, comes one fat ‘n tall, ‘Bone Rulz!’

Big Finch
Big Finch
Big Bald Finch
Big Finch.

posted by raymond 02:52

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Sunday, June 13, 2010

Babe, maybe I've been gone too long. So much has passed in almost five years. And God dammit I'm still pissed!

posted by raymond 23:47

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Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Lock up your daughters (and their mothers) cuz WE ARE BACK!
Here’s the poop- back in early April our terrifically and wonderful FREE web host Blogger started returning cryptic error messages when we attempted to update your favorite blog, The Institute Bulletin. Despite many, MANY email pleas to their support team TIB staff received only computer-generated replies. Then on August 1st, a mere 4 months since the problem started we get a human reply! In this email Blogger Support Tech Stephanie clues me in that “Blogger imposes a size limit of 1 MB per page. So if you have too many posts displayed on the main page of your blog, you will run into this error. You can fix this by lowering the number of posts that are shown on your home page.” Well, well, well, well, well! Isn’t that great. It’s not that I have too many posts, but that Blogger imposed a limit and forgot to tell anyone! So I had to reduce the post limit from 999 to 100 to get the page to function again! Yup, thanks to Blogger, 90% of front page commentary is now relegated to archives! But the important thing is we are back in business, now to get Gom back doing blue movie reviews! But wait- there’s a backlog, so without further adieu-

The Institute once again proudly presents- Adult Movie Reviews with Gombeggar

Asian Invasion (2002)
Review by Councilman Gombeggar

This is an Asian compilation tape. It has some good sex going on in it, but it has some serious drawbacks as far as I’m concerned.
First off, it’s a compilation without any running theme. There are segments from up to date porn stars like Miko Lee who headlines the film and also segments from as far back as the eighties in what might actually be a very poorly done Japanese import (in that particular section). Compilations like these are always mixed bags though. That’s to be expected. It does get points for having a Ron Jeremy scene, but Ron’s ‘schmeckle out to here’ in an Asian broad is only a balance to an infuriating lesbo scene with Asia Carrera. Hee we have one of my all time favorite Asian chicks being wasted (sexually) on two other chicks in a dyke scene! Now how does that help me? I ask you!
So all in all, this is a mediocre porn flick. I, Gombeggar give it a 4 out of ten and that’s just because of Ron showing up to remind us all that even fat and ugly men (as is most of us out here) can get laid if they have a ‘schlong out to here!’

Gooey Buns 3? (2002)
Review by Councilman Gombeggar

Here’s a filmed example of women showing what pigs they are. Having said that I should give this one a rating of ten and be done with it, but let’s take a look at Gooey Buns 3? (as I’m unsure of the title number of this film that is one of a series).
“How much can you watch?” is what council member Doyna Yar asked before I even did this review. The answer? I dunno.
There’s some great sex going on in this compilation. The chicks are very enthusiastic, and rightly so. They’re probably making money hand over fist ‘sic’!
But yeah, how much ass to mouth and then back in the ass can ya watch before yer going, ‘OK, you’re a pig. We got it now! So’s yer girlfriend!’?
All in all (since this is the only Gooey Buns I’ve yet to peruse) I, Gombeggar give this a 7 out of ten for the enthusiasm. And after all, no porn is a ten. If it were a ten, you’d be in the damn film getting laid and you wouldn’t give a damn if anyone saw it or you cuz you got yer happy! See ya next wash day!

Thanx Gom, now get back to work

Katrina folly
As promised on Hazleton Pravda, in days to come after the immediate threat to lives is past I’ll be putting together some thoughts on the Katrina relief fiasco and won’t be sparing any verbal artillery. Is everyone doin’ the Bureaucrat dance?

Yes, you can still get a drink in New Orleans
City spirits still live in French quarter oases. One has to note the typical police frailty of harassing the innocent offenders of a victimless crime when they should have much, much more on their minds. I wonder how many pretended to give out parking citations in the name of doing their duty to avoid confronting the armed looters?

Arabic Trojan butts into porn surfing
Oh great! Moralist hackers!

Mexico excited to play role in relief
It’s a good thing that the Mexico and so many others are willing to help America in time of crisis. However, why do I expect to hear of illegal immigrants taking advantage by trying to cross north in the guise of relief trucks?

Jackson plans Katrina victims song
Yup, people are gonna start coming outta the woodwork to use the situation to rejuvenate their long dead careers.

Voting begins in Egyptian poll
Hey at least they’re voting for more than one candidate this time! It’s still gonna take a bit for term limits to take root.

Oil probe to fault Annan, council
Duh! Even the name ‘oil-for-food’ reeks of implied extortion. This became a sick game where Saddam, corporations, and diplomats all preyed on the Iraqi people.

Toxic trouble in New Orleans water
I remember the first of a billion press conferences just after Katrina where the Louisiana governor Blanco and senator Landrieu were all compassionate and empathetic at the human crisis. Then were asked about pollutants in the water saturating New Orleans. The tales on TV were horrible with oil slicks, gasoline, sewage, and chemicals of all natures. That’s when the blonde senator turned to the governor with a look that I’m sure she hoped no one would notice but the other political animal in the room. On went their game faces and the hypocritical save-my-own-ass reply that [to paraphrase] ‘we flew over water’, ‘it’s only water in the city’, and ‘I only saw water’! Well all of America and the world had seen much more- we saw the filth, and we saw thru your poor political liability acting. When the time for accountability comes a knocking the people of Louisiana will have you both on their political hit lists.

Authorities tighten grip on city
While I agree that the former city of New Orleans must be completely evacuated I am eager to here the constitutional legality of such a forced move.

posted by raymond 16:02

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Thursday, April 07, 2005

Congress may extend daylight-saving time
Have they gone completely mad?!! Are they a pack of raving idiots?!! Do they think we are that stupid?!! Actually that's it and Americans agree [with DST not the idiot thing] by 65% according to a recent CNN poll. WAKE UP PEOPLE! I find the assertion that congress can legislate the length of the day insulting. You can have the ignorant masses change their clocks 100 times a year and the sun will still rise and set of it's own accord. There isn't even any REAL data to prove that this feel-good-look-we're-doing-something program actually works or has any real world impact! Their statistics are at best guesses based upon the flawed supposition that "The more daylight we have, the less electricity we use," to quote House Rep. Ed Markey [D-Massachusetts]. And there’s no way to test the idea with a proper control because most of the world has adopted this stupidity! But just to demonstrate I'll use their 'numbers' [I don't wanna give 'em credence by calling them figures, stats, etc.]. The supposition is a saving of 10,000 barrels a day for roughly 180 days a year [currently]- that's 1.8 million barrels supposedly saved annually by America. We use over 10 times that every day according to the same people! So that's a savings of... 1/4058 of our total annual petroleum consumption. By extending DST by a third we get another additional savings of 600,000 barrels giving a grand savings of 2.4 million barrels. Let me put further perspective on this number- 2.4m barrels is ~0.033% of our annual consumption- 11% of ONE day's consumption- 4.4 gallon/citizen annually- or [at petrol's record high of $58.28/barrel] a savings of $4.66/citizen annually! And that's ONLY if all the guessing, supposition and psychology work on 300 million Americans! I say they can have my five bucks annually and stop fucking with my schedule twice a year! DST is bullshit from Franklin's days and as useful as 'duck and cover' school drills during the cold war! But people ARE stupid. This IS a feel-good-look-we're-doing-something program from the very source of our energy woes. Better than half of what you pay for gasoline and heating fuels is US Federal taxes, it's not the Arabs or OPEC or Exxon screwin' Joe Idiot, it's our own government. Not thru direct action, but in avoiding the well foreseen complexities of our and the world's energy concerns for decade upon decade! NIMBY [not in my back yard] attitudes have prevented more drilling and stifled refinement capacity. There hasn't been an oil refinery built in the US over the last 30 years! Over zealous environmental regulation forces gasoline not to be universal, but specific chemical mixtures for regional and state markets and time of year whose distribution [and un-distribution] is tightly regulated by law. This complexity adds to the price of a gallon and causes much of the seasonal fluctuations. And then there’s the rise of the third world, namely India and China with close to 2.5 billion consumers combined. That's over eight times our population. What do we do when they all want a single home in the 'burbs with 2 cars? That's not even touching that Red China is filling their own strategic reserves of petrol. That means they are driving the price up by buying more than they use! We need a sound, forward thinking national energy policy, not knee-jerk feel-good nonsense while the overburdened world continues to spiral downward under the weight of it's population's hungers! It's also important to remember that America has the cheapest gas prices of the industrialized world. Even if gasoline prices reach $3+ we will still be paying less than half of what our friends in Europe and East Asia are paying!

...and now for something completely different, The Institute proudly presents- Adult Movie Reviews with Gombeggar

Oh, Me So Horny! (2004): Running time 140 minutes
Review by Councilman Gombeggar

Now here’s a porn that’s got some real merit, especially if you have a fetish for Asian women. Oh, Me So Horny! May have only four scenes, but each one is very well done in a formula pattern of Asian girl announces “Me so horny” as she (or ‘they’ as you get two girls in the first segment) begins a long (and well choreographed) strip tease while didilling herself. Then it moves onto her giving head to long male protuberances until she declares “Fucky-Sucky” or an even better one-liner of broken English “Fuck tight Asian Pussy!”
The one liners from these girls really make it. The thing is and this is the thrill of it, you don’t know if the girls are just acting really baddly or if they just got off the boat. It’s hilarious! And if they can’t speak the Queen’s English that ‘s OK. These girls are talented in so many other ways it makes up for their lack of verb conjugations.
I, Gombeggar give this one an 8 out of ten. And that’s just for the bad English come-on lines alone! Worth it for the fun; worth it for the porn! See ya next wash day!

Thanx Gombeggar

posted by raymond 14:38

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Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Darfur death toll 'may be 300,000'
It's shameful! 300,000 dead or missing from a tsunami and the world mobilizes. 300,000 murdered in Africa and the world drags it feet over the definition of genocide!!

Knesset rejects referendum on Gaza pullout
Peace and a settlement... on Israeli terms!

Russia loses one million people every year
Our Russian friends are ahead of the curve on this whole overpopulation issue!

The myth of the Commonwealth of Independent States is about to end

Russia's Sukhoi to develop 5th generation fighter jet
When did the Russians design a forward-swept-wing fighter?

Last Hardware Needed For ATV Arrival Installed During ISS Spacewalk
It's about time the ISS had an alternative cargo vehicle beyond shuttle/soyuz/progress.

Donation from adult store criticized
I guess the students will be getting a lesson in hypocracy from the Live Oaks School. I have to agree with Ms. Rivera that the Penthouse Boutique has the same right to donate as any other community business or citizen. You can't have it both ways- asking for handouts and turning away donations based upon the source. Beggars can't be choosers, and the officials looking over the mouth of this gift horse are showing themselves to be asses! If they wouldn't take the money from African-Americans the shit would hit the fan! Isn't this moral descrimination?

posted by raymond 14:29

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Friday, March 25, 2005

Document suggests bin Laden escaped at Tora Bora
Although I have to commend the administration for confronting our enemies and defacto enemies after decades of tolerance I am troubled by the apparent lack of applying sufficient forces for guaranteed results. Tora Bora should have been flooded with US forces and the Iraqi occupation force should have been maintained at 250,000.

Looting follows Kyrgyz uprising
Looks like the Kyrgyz protesters have lost their way choosing violence and looting over democratic reform.

Canada: No refuge for U.S. soldier
What ever happened to desertion being a crime, and a capital offense during times of war? These guys are supposed to 'return to the United States and take up their concerns at their respective military bases.'? Maybe if you mean the stockade! How can the Pentagon be surprised with lapses in discipline when they handle all these breaches of conduct with kid gloves? If our arguably closest ally, Canada, really wanted to make a statement these soldiers would be deported to the proper US military authorities!

Is Gene Simmons the next SpongeBob?
Well at least Ozzy's off the air! And further down that tangent has anyone noticed how much Ozzy and Elton John are starting to look alike? ...and you never see them at the same places, ...but they're probably on the same medications!

Sharpton wants stations connected to violence punished
My favorite Democrat is back, and you can call him Humpty, ...with an ump-ty, do the Sharpton Hump!

U.N. report points finger at Syria
And knowing doesn't help

Rumsfeld criticizes Venezuelan arms bid
I think Rumsy is dead on with this one.

US Extends Waiver Of Missile Proliferation Sanctions On China
First dropping the human rights criticism, then a muted response to the anti-secession law, now this! China is reaping all kinds of geo-political kickbacks from its prominence in the DPRK nuclear negotiations. One has to say that China is getting better offers than the North Koreans! It really makes you wonder just who is pulling the strings on this loggerheaded manufactured crisis.

"Troubled" Afghanistan-Pakistan-Iran triangle may deepen US presence
A refresher in facts

posted by raymond 10:16

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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

EU's Solana: End China arms ban
The EU is dancing with the plumber on this one...

Activists slam Canada on seal hunt
The Institute formally condemns the Humane Society of the United States' attempt broaden their base and to harm the Canadian fishing industry with a hippie-style boycott of products which are not connected to the culling of un-endangered seals. Ya don't like it, don't buy fur!

Agency: More teens abusing inhalants
So, now helium inhalation is criminal too? Maybe this wouldn't be such a problem if we lowered the drinking and smoking age so youths seeking a high can have access to regulated, legal, and safe vices.

U.N.: 1 billion people lack safe drinking water
What their failing to address is that we are 1 billion people over the natural carrying capacity of the earth to provide clean drinking water. It's not a lack of fresh water but too many people! Achievements of aid organizations over the past century to alleviate suffering by fighting disease and hunger have only served to cause an explosion in populations that now require such aid permanently.

SNL Tries Penile Implant
Now that's comedy! Don't forget to click on the image for the full schnazz!

Man grows penis on his arm
Science worthy of Institute investment or yet another Russian tale of yogurt longevity?

Partner Swapping Site Busted
I'm still very confused as to where a crime was committed.

No New Shuttle Flight Unless Rescue Mission Can Be Guaranteed
One would have thought it just common sense that the proper docking mechanisms for a shuttle to shuttle rendezvous should have been in the inventory for decades now! Hell, a shuttle to soyuz mechanism would even be better than nothing! A rescue plan should have been standard procedure from delivery of Challenger! I always wondered why such a docking was never attempted in the early 80s. Now we know, because there never was a common sense plan! What's worse is that this new criteria for a launch will only be applied to the next two launches and is not a permanent policy change but a feel good measure!

US mulls new strategies against North Korea
Funky Kim odds on winner for this pot. I suggest we deploy nukes to the peninsula to get some leverage like Reagan did with the NATO Pershing II deployment which got the Soviets re-interested in disarmament and lead to the Intermediate Range Nuclear Forces (INF)Treaty on 8 December 1987.

And now the first installment of The Institute's Adult Movie Reviews:

Up in the Air (1982): Running time 75 minutes.
Review by Councilman Gombeggar

The best thing about this old eighties porn is the nostalgia. It’s a film that comes from an era of porn where the women’s tits were natural and the cast and crew tried hard ‘sic’ (albeit in vein) to actually follow a plot line, which is as follows:
A crew and passengers board a jet plane and sex ensues including clever dream sequences for the times and the situation humorous linking footage with the bearded guy (Nick Niter) who just can’t get laid to ‘save his life’ (excepting the second dream sequence) aboard this airship of sin culminating in a proper 80’s style orgy, but ya gotta wonder by this point just who’s flying the plane?!??!?
All in all there is too much head giving on the part of both sexes and not enough straight sex, to say nothing of the total lack of anal insertions. These were more innocent times, friends! However, with the nostalgia factor, and the amusingly poor dubs of moaning over that wacky eighties music you can’t help but enjoy Up in the Air. And it is an early China Lee [Kristara Barrington] film ta boot!
So, I Gombeggar give this a rating of 5 [strokes] out of a possible ten. Up in the Air is an average porn with fun and fucking well mixed together. See you next wash day!

Thanx Gombeggar

posted by raymond 07:59

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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

School shootings suspect apparently had neo-Nazi leanings
Native American National Socialist, there's a new one on me! It seems to me that this youth was obviously disturbed by the apparent apathy toward his nation's loss of cultural identity. Most if not all of his concerns should be valid for every member of his tribe. I would have to say that the fact that seemingly his only outlet was the eNazis just goes to show that he did not have the outlets among his family, friends, school, or tribal community to express or deal with his concerns in a positive way. This boy should not be demonized for 'neo-Nazi leanings' when clearly his feelings of cultural and ethnic erosion are justified and deserved a frank and open dialogue. Such complicated issues weighing on youth need guidance and respect. Lacking that he did as many of us do today, search for commonality on the Internet and inadvertently misplaced his worries about cultural purity/identity/ethnicity into the Nazi site full of confusing 'racial purity' sloganry. I doubt anyone there bothered to point out that the Nazi's would have just as soon threw him to the ovens as a Jew or homosexual. His community will now have to face that they failed to constructively help this boy, perhaps with cultural preservation programs and cultural/ethnic tolerance education. I think that they should take a long hard introspection about how they raise their children and balance their Native-American identity with their American integration. Unfortunately that will probably not be the case and the only significant reaction will be to make our educational institutions even more repressive and prison-like. There is no doubt that this is a huge tragedy for the community, but we must keep such things in perspective. Such events happening a decade and a half apart in a nation of almost 300 million persons should not be used to justify the inappropriate mistrust, inconvenience, surveillance, and prejudice against our youth who live day to day under pressures most prefer to forget once plagued ourselves. They are our legacy, our future, and we must not treat our progeny as criminals without basic rights, privacy, respect, and human dignity.

posted by raymond 15:26

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War of words over Schiavo continues
Today was the first confirmation on national news that I was right about the anti-abortionist crusaders being all behind this as a way to, by legal precedent, extend parental/grandparental rights beyond the age of 18 as a way to prevent adult women from seeking abortions.

Jackson sobs in court after late arrival
I guess he found out he would not be serving at Juvenile Detention!

Arab leaders prepare for summit
Same old. same old status quo for the Arab League.

Study: Undocumented population tops 10 million
No documents = no rights beyond the basic human rights, that's the way it ought to be! Set up the gulags!

Super swine was real, experts say
Or maybe Jackson was weeping 'cuz he can not afford to buy Hogzilla's remains...

Annan: Adopt U.N. reform package
It's official! Annan has cracked! Six more vetoes on the security council? That's fucking nuts! The UN seems to be seeking to make itself even more ineffectual at dealing with international crises!

U.S. suspends Nicaragua military aid
So Danny Ortega is still stirring the shit, eh?

Officer accused of misconduct
The ugly head of 'Mahalicism' reared yet again.

Chewing gum can 'enhance breasts'
Time to update my investment portfolio... our Japanese friends are way ahead of the curve!

Mobilize Now To Save Hubble
Banzai! er Mobilize! er somethin...

Envisat Enables First Global Check Of Regional Methane Emissions
Freeland and New Orleans are gonna light up like xmas treez!

Pak Nukes Terrify World And "This Serves Pakistan Well"
Pakistan, our basket case allies.

Analysis: Rice Woos India With Nuke Offer
Assuaging the Indies, here's one I did not see coming.

Analysis: China's Spin On Secession Law
Mao was no Lincoln!

posted by raymond 05:29

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Sunday, March 20, 2005

marryhumpordump.com
My only problem with this site is that I wanna hump 'em all!

Rice calls for end to NK standoff
Funky Kim's still playin' hard to get. I wonder If he has a thing for African-American women?

Shark tears man in half
Haven't these people ever seen Jaws V the Revenge of Rocky Rambo? It's a story of how an encounter with a shark from the darkside caused Rocky Balboa to become Darth Rambo, Lord of Sith. All I gotta say is 'bangsticks'!

Suspect in 9-year-old's death booked into Florida jail
DEATH! He dug a hole for her, now he can dig one for his own live burial!

Congress to meet Sunday on Schiavo bill
Let the poor woman die already! This is just a step in a very bad direction to extend parental rights beyond an offspring’s 18th birthday (which is all about stopping abortion) and an erosion of *gasp* marriage and spousal rights!

Scores injured in Japanese quake
I'm willing to offer sensual massages to the injured and sexy women for as long as it takes even if it means round the clock aftershocks between naps and cheesecake.

Pakistan tests long-range missile
Funky Kim isn't the only potentate who likes to show off his missile!

Russia's new defense machine, the Terminator, marks new generation of Russian weaponry
An interesting look at the future of the bear's armor.

Asexuals, new type of sexual minority, to conquer the world
Our Russian friends grappling with the concepts of demokracy and kapitalism is nothing to their next big hurtle- '????? ???? ???????? ???????? [Bone]?'

Space Watch: Spacefaring By Bureaucrats
Who wouldda thunk our space program would become so depressing! Plan Bush is a go!

New Machines Could Turn Homes Into Small Factories
This just sounds like the same old liquid polymer 3d printers that have been around for decades but marketed to consumers! Like the landfills need to be fed?

Iran gives nod for secret nuclear research centre: report
Oh joy!

posted by raymond 04:32

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Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Forced blood tests allowed to stand
I am absolutely appalled. Forcing a suspect to involuntarily submit blood, breath, urine, or any other bodily substance is not only a violation of the 4th Amendment, but tantamount even more a 5th amendment violation!

U.N. disaster alert for megacities
And once again magnitude is a result of overpopulation.

Jealous Sex Party Swinger Jailed for Stabbing Pregnant Girlfriend
I don't understand how this idiot didn't realize that his girlfriend was gonna get porked by someone else's schwantzl when the started the orgy!

AAS Endorses Hubble Options Report
Duh! The HST was specifically designed for servicing with the shuttle's capabilities in mind. If Hubble is too unsafe for the shuttle, then no manned mission is ever viable.

Titan Success Raises Curtain On Big Year In Space
Funny, I'm just not impressed with the upcoming year in space.

Walker's World: Struggle For Mastery In Asia
Another masterful briefing on Asian energy concerns and their global impact

Nigeria has no ambition to be nuclear power: Obasanjo
The IAEA's mandate includes eradication of tse-tse flys and mosquitoes? What the fuck!

Well that went easy, and remember- no news is good nuus!

posted by raymond 02:21

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Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Services, parades honor Martin Luther King
Amazingly Martin Luther King Day remains one of the most misunderstood national holidays in America. Sure Reagan signed it into law, but nobody ever told us how to officially celebrate it. What holds deep meaning in our minority community should hold the same for all. Sure there was a few parades, services, maybe a few marches, and some places were closed while others cling to ignoring it completely. It can be a rally for the ignorant white trash who refuse to take the day off, idiots! But my core point is that we, as a nation, don't have a tradition around this holiday yet. This leaves some at home, some at work, some at church, and me like a lonely puppy outside the closed liquor store. It's too bloody cold to march in January, church was yesterday [for some of you], parades are hokey, there's no sports events on [for the meatheads], can't send post cards with the USPS shut down, and there's no mindless shopping for the broads. What we need is somebody, well anybody to come out and spell it out, light a grille, set off some fireworks, hell make the day about community service and volunteerism! Just so I know what the hell I'm supposed to be doing other than sittin' at home drinkin' beer watchin’ old black-n-white footage of the civil rights movement on the History channel [with just a splash of Hitler? what's that about] 'cuz I forgot to stock up on rum on Saturday! What Martin Luther said and did he did for all of us, but the holiday doesn't seem to be living up to the dream.

Poll: Americans divided over Iraq invasion
Speaking of the History channel, they aired 'The Horrors of Hussein' today, A one-hour documentary on the torture, mass executions, terror, chemical weapons use, and wars of Saddam. It was more like a video outline when you think of more than a million dead the Iran-Iraq war and the half-million Iraqis in mass graves all over Iraq. Then there are the still suffering and mutilated from his chemical strikes and those destroyed by dehumanizing torture. I defy anyone to watch such a brief glimpse of his atrocities and say we shouldn't have removed him. If there is a lesson from history it is that we should have finished what we started back in '91! No one ever said the right thing to do was easy! We stand in the breach and we must not flinch. Would you rather have America's best fight the terrorist fanatics over there, or would you prefer to stick your head in the sand and have soccer moms and rent-a-cops fight them in a Jersey mall? That's the choices, cuz they are coming either way. Personally I prefer to have Iraq as a lightning rod for all these suicidal zealots well away on the other side of the globe and facing our best. If they're making IEDs over there to hit our armor they’re not making pipe bombs over here to blow up SUVs [or learning how to fly a jumbo jet]. Bush was right '...bring it on!'

FCC fears force Fox to pixelate cartoon nudity
US TV cuts nudity from BBC film
Alright, now I'm pissed! If a bare-assed Stewie is offensive then I don't wanna see any more babies, births, or caesarians on Discovery channel. Just watch one of those and you'll never be a completely sexually free man again! That's psychologically damaging dammit! Gimme Family Guy any day over that shit! I urge everyone to write the FCC and urge them to give FOX a pass on Family Guy. Self-censorship is un-American and should be discouraged by patriotic groups such as when the fine people at Ad Council condemned post 9/11 library censorship. I urge you to familiarize yourselves with both sites.

Pentagon spurned plan for enemy aphrodisiac
US laboratory proposed weapon to stimulate homosexual behavior
$7.5 million to promote gays in enemy militaries? Homosexuality only bolstered the morale of the Spartans and greater Greek armies. With a shortage of women in parts of China with 1:20 ratios do we really want to consider helping them cross that line? I thought Nixon outlawed the US chemical arsenal? A chemical attack is a chemical attack whether VX or gay spray!

FDA debates OTC morning-after pill
The Institute and our subsidiaries 100% wholeheartedly backs anything that gives people options, choices, and safety in their sexual lives.

Iran Nobel winner's rights call
Can she become the nexus of the Iranian counterrevolution?

EU considers Nazi symbols ban
Great! They do this and they'll have to cut the old Monty Python skits! If the great Mel Brooks can dress up as Hitler everyone knows it is satire. Harry was just attending a tasteless aristocal costume party. All Europe's aristocracies have reviled in their dirty secret little historic roll playing games for centuries. It's their ego-fetish. Blaming the symbols of Hitler's Nazism and hiding them don't undo the past. The darkness must be faced and discussed openly by each generation lest we forget the lessons! Deconstructing history cannot spare us from the cold truth. Like it or not, Hitler was just a man, most Germans were Nazi, many in occupied Europe were collaborators and many joined the SS. Political correctness and blinders do not dull the unpleasant fact that the capacity for such heinous evil is a part of the human condition and a foible we all carry.

Canyons, rivulets: scientists give first impression of Titan photos

Columbia Crew Catches A Mysterious TIGER In The Indian Ocean
Is this actually data from the ill-fated Columbia flight?

Walker's World: The New World Order
I find nothing to argue with here. Our economic hypocrisy and failure to consolidate the post cold war opportunities have lead us to the brink of a multi-polar American containment world.

posted by raymond 03:37

(0) comments

Monday, January 17, 2005

Purged Chinese leader dies
A stark reminder to those who would lift the arms embargo and join the PRC in a multi-polar syndicate of what happens to dissidents in China.

Israel orders crackdown; PLO calls for end to violence
What a great way to move forward with the new Palestinian Authority, by showing them that Sharon is boss. What a warpig!

Abbas sworn in as seven Palestinians die
Now that alleged obstructionist Arafat is outta the way Sharon is without a scapegoat.

Journalist: U.S. planning for possible attack on Iran
US conducting military operations inside Iran: report
Like I said before, Iran is next on the butcher's block. It would be irresponsible for the Pentagon if it did not draw up contingency war plans against every nation with WMD, friend and foe alike.

Nail embedded in man's skull for 6 days
Yeast!

Expatriate Iraqi voters can register Monday
It's all good... Vote Quimby!

Police: Girl died after mother forced her to drink bleach
This is one of the enraging stories that brought me back to the Blog. What this woman has done is beyond heinous. Dig your hole, bitch, and get buried alive by the next death sentenced freak in the line!

Hitler 'ordered pope kidnapped'
See... Hitler wanted the Pope eaten, er kidnapped so how could you say he turned a blind eye to the Holocaust? Hitler didn't like Stalin either, that don't make Joe Steel a saint. I wonder what other convenient spins will come outta the Vatican archives to justify the foregone sainthood of Pius XII.

Man Tries Selling Soul To Recoup Scam Loss
Just the kinda idiot that keeps the Devil-plumber in business. I guess Steve'll have to break and get that computer.

Many Iraqis say Graner sentence too lenient
Concur. What ever happened to the iron of martial law?

'World's oldest mother'... at 67
Yick! This is an abomination against nature and an abuse of fertility treatment. These doctors shouldn't be hailed, they should be held accountable for the stillborn twin, the health impact on the elderly [and incompetent] mother, upbringing of this girl who will probably be orphaned before adulthood. Are there no Hippocratic guidelines to stem the rampant fertility abuses in our world?

Russian obesity is comparable to American
We have so much to learn from our Russian friends...

A victory for the sexual majority!

South City man gets 4 years for sex with cousin
Pappy-cousin-daddy-lover? Sounds like a tale from Rock Glen!

Woman's acupuncture treatment goes bust
Oopsie! Buyer beware! I say for her stupidity she should have to go around with a flat for a while. Don't they educate anyone anymore? Hell, I wonder how much her automotive blinker fluid bill tabs at yearly!

Scientists Ecstatic At Result Of Titan Probe
Huygens did it! Now I just have to get a record of Bone to Titan and it'll be ready for colonization!

Russia To Launch German Satellites
The EU centrists once again are trying to leverage away from the American alliance with redundant capabilities.

RaySat Introduces Antenna For In-Motion High Speed Digital Access
With a name like RaySat it's gotta be a line item in the Institute’s budget!

Japan presses Israel to stop arms sales in Far East
It's so polite of the Japanese not to call China by name.

Japan maps plan to defend southern islands against military attack: report
But we know who their worried about...

Taiwan deploys missiles on mobile launchers: report
And just for the record Taiwan is still worried about the PRC's intentions.

Foreign forces can stay in Indonesia past deadline: defence minister
I'd call Sudarsono's quote calling the US military's presents in Aceh "the backbone of the logistical operations, providing assistance to all afflicted" the backpedal of the week!

Cassini-Huygens Nasa site
Well whadduya know, NASA finally got the site back up, three days late! But the ESA had their eyes on the ball.

I guess this ends another belated update here at the Institute. I don't know when we'll be back, just hang tough kiddies.

posted by raymond 02:48

(0) comments

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Baby Clams
A parody by Doyna Yar of Baby Snakes by Frank Zappa

Baby clams
Late at night is when you bring em' out
Baby clams
Sure you smell what I’m talkin’ about
Beige ’n’ wet
They make the best kinda snack
Baby
Baby
clams

Looked around
An’ the'll go well with crackers
Baby clams
Maybe I think with colby I'll make stackers
Beige ’n’ wet
I’ll eat all I can get
Baby
Baby
cla-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-mes, yeah

They come in a ca-ca-can
(keyed can)
That is usually rectangular
(usually boxed, cardboard too)
They're a product of Thailand
(dit dit dit dit)
Occasional shell fragments are regular
Which stands for
Quality control workers in Thailand are lazy
Maybe I think
That I meet them whilst I drink
They’re wet ’n’ they stink
I think I’ll give ’em some, give ’em some,
Food coloring

Baby cla-a-a-a-a-messs

posted by raymond 21:54

(0) comments

Monday, December 06, 2004

Please exscuse our staff for our recient absents of updating The Bulletin. The Institute is in the process of relocating some of our offices and servers and it will take some time for the dust to clear. Today we did add the Official Institute Calendar , including the Official Freeland Seasonal dates and explanations. Though it's entries do not begin until 1/1/05 (and a certain fatman hasn't confirmed the date of our most sacred dae) we feel this near complete Institute Calendar is an important service to all our loyal readers. Enjoy, and feel free to send ommisions.

--The Bulletin Team

posted by raymond 13:19

(0) comments

Friday, November 19, 2004

Not guilty plea in fake plastic surgeon case
The work of professional, licensed, accredited plastic surgeons is suspect. Now imagine what this freak did. Just say no to vanity surgery!

Five teens arrested in turkey-hurling incident
Follow up- Tossin' turkey doesn't pay.

Crematory operator pleads guilty
How can he say that he cannot give answers? He's the only one who knows what the hell was going thru his head! Hell even with a maximum sentencing that's like 13 days/corpse! This is justice?

U.N. abandons treaty to ban cloning
YES! One step closer to an army of Kellys lined up like OOM-9s!

www.kremlin.ru
Direct from Ivan's mouth!

'Chat-room rapist' to serve 10 years
Let this be a lesson to all men on this earth. Never, NEVER buy into the 'rape fantasy' even if she tells you directly. The only one who will get into a compromising position and get a screwin' in the end is you!

Police Look At Local 10 Porn Bus Investigation
So yet another investigative reporter [read leach] trying to grow a career stirring up shit.

Supercomputer Advances To New Level In China
Dragon on the rise

posted by raymond 19:31

(0) comments

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Clinton dedicates presidential library
A monument to ego and 8 years of status quo

Powell: Intelligence suggests Iran trying to adapt missiles for nukes
Pardon my math, but if they only use 1000 centrifuges they should still be able to make a bomb every 18 months.

Crematory case families left wondering
Amazing! Absolutely amazing! After all the hearings and accusations we still don't know what motivated his bazaar actions? Why hasn't someone demanded an explanation?!!

Frozen turkey thrown from car injures woman
Just keep throwing around the turkey until somebody gets hurt. Soon you won't be able to purchase poultry in this country!

Mystery as Kim title, posters go
Funky Kim's at it again causing confusion and study around the globe. This guy has a bad hair day and the CIA has a late night! In related news Portraits of Bone are still in place at Institute properties world wide and he retains all of his titles including the notorious 'Dart ace!'

Car dealer demanded sex for discount
Never buy a car from Mahalic!

China ready to occupy US vacuum in Latin America
Looks like Ivan reads it right.

US notifies Congress of 1.3 billion arms package for Pakistan

posted by raymond 16:46

(0) comments

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Scientist: Man in Americas earlier than thought
It was only a matter of time for 'Clovis first' to be de-bunked, backwards that is. And I'm sure human's were in NA even earlier. Settlements will be uncovered as the polar ice recedes.

Catholic bishops join Christian alliance
Just stay outta politics or we'll send in the taxman!

'Virgin Mary' sandwich back on eBay
Where's Finch when ya need him? This is a story of ever heightening stupidity! Diana Duyser is the women who's faith has driven her to seeing the pagan idolized Virgin Mary everywhere in her surroundings. If anyone needs to take an inkblot test it's this nut that preserved her holy sandwich next to her bed for a decade! Yet she eagerly put the object of her misplaced faith on the auction block? I thought greed was a sin? Anywho somebody with half a brain at eBay caught this farce and killed the auction, but never followed thru on getting Diana the psychotherapy she needs. However evidently eBay officials are not immune to the demands of the ignorantly faithful and have reinstated the auction. Hell, I'm prepared to mass-produce the things provided I get paid, but they'd NEVER let me list 'em. Who ever said ya gotta have faith to fleece the ignorant? IDIOTS!

U.S. airborne laser advances to 'First Light'
Looks great on paper, but can you get an anti-ballistic airborne laser to the right place at the right time to effectively knock down a missile in it's narrow boost phase window?

Hassan: 'Abhorrent act' says Blair
After the murder of this woman, with her life long humanitarian dedication to the Iraqi people, how can any Iraqi citizen believe that the insurgency is fighting for the betterment of the people?

'This guy, he ruined my life' -- so man sues
So... I need to live in a community where "alienation of affection" is the law of the land. The Institute fully indorses the reinstatement of such legal practices if open infidelity is not negotiated as a part of the relationship.

US scramjet clocks nearly 10 times speed of sound
Great, but it's only practical application is transonic cruise missiles.

European Parliament votes to continue China arms embargo
It looks like the majority of Europeans support sensibility over greed. I can't help but notice that the actual votes are omitted from the report.

Nelson letters found almost 200 years after his death at Trafalgar
Funny the BBC didn't burn these!

posted by raymond 19:04

(0) comments

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Our previous poll results to the Institute question- 'What is the Freeland Tourism Authority's nuu slogan?'
60% - Former home of Sorrento's Pizza
40% - Churches and saloons, what more do you need?

The actual FTA slogan adopted for the holiday season of 2004 by Mayor Tim and local asshole Basil Sessock is 'All sewers lead behind Sphack's house'

This is believed to be a tie in for Freeland to the Greater Hazleton Cluster's 'Sewers for Tours' campaign, which is a euphamism for the Area's raping of legitamte state and federal small town tourism grants into kickbacks and bribes. Business- the Hazleton way!

posted by raymond 20:04

(0) comments

Hungerstruck
a parody by Doyna Yar of 'Thunderstruck' by AC/DC

(hunger x10)

I was caught
In the middle of my cannibal snack
I am all round
And I knew there was no turning Sphack (hunger)
My hand diced
And I thought I could say nuu (hunger)
Then I knew
That I'd make Brian, make Brian into stew (hunger)

Scent of the bread
Baked into his clothes
I hunger for dead
Tore him apart
He's been - hungerstruck

Come down nine-forty
Broke the scale, I hit one ton
Come through to Jeddo, yeah Jeddo
And we'll have some fun
I ate some girls
Some Hadzicks who went to my school
Played with my hormones, broke all their bones
Yeah, yeah, they, they, made me all full

I was shakin' up the kepich
Just another squirt for Finch?
NARR! Those ladies were so dumb
They've been - hungerstruck, hungerstruck
Narr narr narr, hungerstruck

Narr
Doy, hungerstruck, narr

Now I'm shakin' up the kepich
Just another squirt for Finch?

Hungerstruck, hungerstruck
Narr narr narr, hungerstruck
Hungerstruck, narr, narr, narr

Nuu narr, I'm all fat
My hair's very fine
Doy, I'm all fat
My scalp's got a shine
(Oh my!)

Hungerstruck, narr, narr, narr,
Hungerstruck, hungerstruck, hungerstruck
Nuu baby, baby, hungerstruck
You've been hungerstruck, hungerstruck
Hungerstruck, hungerstruck, hungerstruck
You'll get hungerstruck

posted by raymond 18:58

(0) comments

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Iraqi commandos seize Falluja hospital
And so it begins... TESTS- Let's see if our Iraqi friends are up to the task of independence and if we are up to the task of being the sole superpower in the world. Put up or shut up for the Iraqi government and ours. Time to do the job without political distraction. Hang tough!

France limits Ivory Coast pullout
Time for the French kettle to make us some hypocritical black tea.

Palestinian leaders to visit Arafat
How many Palestinian delegates does it take to screw in a light bulb, ...er I mean decide Arafat's dead? Don't take me wrong, we like Arafat's hard-line against the radical Zionist minority of Israel. If Jerusalem is the burial place for jewish kings [and terrorists] then why not Palestinian kings and terrorists? If the chairman is dead then please drop the political posturing and bury the man. Must his service to his people continue to be demanded even after his passing?

Suicide suspected at WTC site
Welp, one less vote for the Democrats to worry about. This is what happens to the weak minded when the only message a political party runs on is the removal of the other. When will the Democrats get their act together? Our system need's the faithful opposition! At that they are failing. The post-Clinton party is leaderless and out of ideas. The Democratic party must renew itself with fresh blood and a dynamic break from it's failed past.

The project to create the special Kremlin vodka involved most brilliant Soviet scientists
"It did not make me drunk, but it gave me a wonderful feeling of cheerfulness. It tasted remarkably. I cannot say that I drank too much of it, but I had no hangover in the morning at all." With testimonials like this it seems like ol' Nikita was ahead of his time with a vision of an 'elite vodka was supposed to be crystal clear, made of highest quality alcohol and water. In addition, the beverage was supposed to taste perfectly: no sugar, honey, glucose, or other softeners.' Thank Bone we live in a time when such a product is available to the proletariat- Skyy Vodka.

Nondrinkers to attack "Kalashnikov"
First black mark for Kalishnikov Vodka? I don't know about you but I don't know if I want to drink a vodka that "has been on the Russian market for over a decade now. In the course of these years, there has not been one instance when an individual wanted to get a hold of the gun and shoot everyone after drinking this vodka." It's not that I need a vodka to make me want to shoot people, it's the people that motivate me in that orientation. But I'm concerned that a vodka may hold me back from my true desires to shoot people, and who wants to live and drink a lie? However I will stay my judgement until I can consume several gallon of Kalishnakov for myself. Will I go on a shooting spree? 'You' had better hope not, but let's hope that is NOT a result of the inebriation because when alcohol influences you decisions you may have a problem.

Anti-nuclear protester killed by waste train
Darwinism in action! If a train won't stop for a school bus on the tracks why would it stop for a French greenie? It's not like chaining himself to the tracks was gonna get him laid! Besides, Greenpeace chicks don't shave ...anything!

Israel to sell spy planes to India: official
Oh fucking joy!

posted by raymond 21:32

(0) comments

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Doctors flock to Arafat's side
Palestinians and music fans around the world are holding their breath as rumors abound about the health, or lack thereof, of Palestinian President and former Beatles drummer Yasser Ringo Merenich Arafat. The Institute sends it's best wishes for a swift recovery to our stubborn friend and favorite Beatle. Just keep Paul away from Suha! Strawberry Fields in Gaza, up the irons!

Stargazers enjoy total lunar eclipse
The beautiful celestial dance, except in Freeland where (typically) the clear skies became overcast and bleak just in time for the first eclipse I've had the time to observe in over 15 years! By 9pm you would have no idea there was a moon in the sky and the eclipse hadn't even begun. Being discouraged I broke my drink on a Unisom and went to bed. My next observation was at 4:12 am, the sky was clear and a full western moon was shining down in mockery at me.

Report: Americans growing taller and wider
My favorite Dangerfieldism- 'ya wanna look thin? Ya hang around with fat people!', truer words you will never hear. So the average weight for men goes up 10oz./year and 10lbs./year for Keith? So, if the trend holds I will be of average weight by August 2021, when I'm living on Sealab [you do the math, and call me Hank!]. By then Keith should have achieved quartertonness [good for him hitting his midway point]! Apparently there is no data in this study on penis size, vaginal dilation and compression or annual per capita methane emissions. Are Americans farting more? The world wonders...

Electoral College tie could be mother of all messes
Yes my friends, it seems that the hell spawn maggot-like lawyers are poised to do more damage to the fabric of our nation than any external threat ever has. Contrary to some there is no constitutional mechanisms to prevent litigation from surpassing the inauguration date which would throw our constitutional succession into crisis. We the people must reassert control over our process and banish the frivolous usurpers from feasting on the Union. We must demand a plain, simple, and common universal reform of the entire nomination and election process. The true mechanics of the two party nomination system remains admittedly by the press a mystery to all but a handful of party puppet masters and deck stackers. The party goal of broad appeal continues to deliver us with a choice between candidates who are universally unappealing and bland. It only gets worse as the electorate is refined and pigeonholed by the party statistician and pollsters. Our choices are no longer most appealing but least offensive to the majority. Talk about qualitative reduction! Also with laws requiring electors to vote accordingly to popular vote the Electoral College becomes more and more obsolete. We need to take back the process from the party bosses and those who would steal a district with ballot trickery and deliberate confusion. I say universally one citizen, one vote, no registration. Your SSN should be your registration as a valid American voter and should be accepted at any polling station coast to coast and then some! Ballots should be plain side by side ENGLISH comparisons listing the candidates alphabetically with clear candidates pictures and party emblems with the simple validation of 'are you sure?'. Isn't it bad enough that candidates are mostly career politicians and lawyers? Don't let the lawyers steal the last vestige of your choice!

Judge defends courtroom party for prisoner
This is a disgusting public humiliation that goes far above and beyond the scope of Judge Faith Johnson's mandate to apply the rule of law and legislated acceptable punishments on Billy Wayne Williams regardless of his crimes. It is a definitive sign that Judge Johnson cannot separate her personal feelings from the legal jurisprudence and impartiality with which she has been entrusted. Crusaders should not be tolerated occupying the bench.

Thousand pound man recovering from obesity surgery
A loss of 421 pounds, that's alotta bedpans! While we admire Mr. Deuel's love of larger living, even by the most extreme Institute opinion at age 42 he should only weigh 420lbs! This is just a case of too much, too soon. Sit back Patrick, focus on a long life and the girthy reward of the Poluka weight scale, fat in moderation.

Israeli army commander arrested
Good, and here I had thought the Israeli military was gonna gloss over this. Maybe justice isn't dead in Israel.

Lawyer: Consensual sex is not child porn
Though I have no sympathy for a 31 year old man engaging sexually a 17 year old girl once again I must call for clear sexual laws and definitions with graduated consensual age guidelines.

Abducted aid worker pleads for life in new video
Acts such as this and the recent massacre of Iraqi National Guardsmen clearly frames Iraq as the primary target of the terrorists in that country. So why are the Iraqi people silent?

Jeffrey Jones Accused of Sex Abuse
Here we go again, but wait... seems like someone thinks they have an old lottery ticket!

Female teacher faces sex and drug charges
A 47 year old woman drugging and sodomizing groups of teenage boys? It's a shame that her crimes will probably go unpunished because just reading this puts one word in your mind- MENTAL!

Man creates largest origami penis

They say an image says a thousand words, and this is no exception. Nick Robinson's paper penis stunt is definitely worthy of Institute recognition.

A Titanic Surprise
Cool, clouds of packing material!

Domination by fossil fuels will cause carbon pollution to surge: IEA
Alright greenies, time for your dose of reality. All fossil fuels will be consumed eventually by someone, period. It may happen over the next hundred years or the next 10,000. But like it or not humanity will use these resources and live with the repercussions.

China slams as 'absurd' idea that EU satellite cooperation is military
Galileo- a turd by another name. The military application of GPS is an established fact. The Chinese participation in the redundant European GPS project is a direct challenge by the multi-polarists to US supremacy in space and on the battlefield. Can there be any other explanation to a constellation of 30 navigation satellites that duplicate the worldwide peaceful capability of the combined US/Russian constellations which can yield a civilian resolution of >3 meters? If the Chinese, or any other nation uses the European navigation satellites to wage war and the Europeans fail to curtail such activity then Galileo becomes a valid military target. One just has to wonder why the EU is dragging it's feet on such safeguards, that is unless I'm correct on their multi-polar aspirations.

New Human Species Found On Indonesian Island Of Flores
Don't tell Keith he's living on the Planet of the Mapes!

http://saturn.jpl.nasa.gov/home/index.cfm

posted by raymond 07:57

(0) comments

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Irate wife gives unfaithful husband the chop
Sexual mutilation is a crime tantamount to attempted murder and should absolutely never be tolerated regardless of the roles of the victim or perpetrator! The strongest of messages and examples must be made in countering sexual mutilation.

Area women pose nude with canines
Maybe there should be a nude women with pussies charity calendar.

Brazil Signs Space Agreement With Russia
Hasn't anyone noticed we have no space program? Our astronauts are relegated to hitchhikers on soyuz! When was the last time you heard any presidential candidate even reference the US space program?

Afghan election success "a huge loss of face" for the Taliban: US general
Especially after their empty threats of attacks on the polling.

US scripted telephone call that mended India-Pakistan ties: Powell
At this point in history there is no corner of the world, no nation that is beyond the scope of American interests and we must strive to engage the entire globe.

Japanese lawmakers make group visit to controversial war shrine
Japan committed heinous atrocities across East Asia and the Pacific including against Americans and the people of the American Philippines. However that is in the past and dead soldiers are dead soldiers. Every nation must pay homage to it's military dead and the fact that among the soldiers war criminals are at this memorial should not tarnish the respect the Japanese bestow on the majority of the 2.5 million whom were just patriotic soldiers.

posted by raymond 19:45

(0) comments

Monday, October 18, 2004

I'm Ba-ack!!
The past three and a half weeks has been very trying and demoralizing as one hurtle after another has taxed my creative energies. I hope now that I have a better handle on the chaos that would see me drained and broken. Provided I can control the pace of those who would carve a piece of my schedule I should be able to retake my duties and obligations here at the Institute for you, the people. Thank you all for the concern and feedback, enjoy the backlog.

U.S. officials: Al-Zarqawi group's statement credible
This message from al-Zarqawi smells of desperation for aid and credibility from al-Qaeda and their wider supporters, hence his renaming of his group to 'Unification and Jihad'. The more the merrier! let's get all our enemies on the same page and take 'em all out!

William Shatner sings again
At first I thought this was just a threat from the Canadian messiah. Then I realized this was just another sign of the apocalypse, unless Bone buys a copy.

Comment prompts plane evacuation
Thought crimes and paranoia. Every time common sense gives way to excessive reaction we are perpetuating the al-Qaeda victory on 9/11. Vigilance is fine, with measured response. The cellular customer in question could easily been discretely and effectively questioned while on the plane that was not going anywhere without undue delay and alarm.

Putin urges voters to back Bush
Plain, down to earth, and correct observations from Vladimir.

Ousted Aristide blamed for unrest
Aristide had his chance at the hand of the United States, and he failed. He should have been happy to live out his exile. If he is indeed still instigating when [not if] we have to once again intervene in Haiti we shall not be so magnanimous to him.

West: Belarus vote fails standards
Belarus president Lukashenko has a right to reign forever
The collapse of the Soviet Union hasn't yielded the fruits of liberty across the remains of the entire Evil Empire.

John Cleese's guide to wine
Didn't he once completely shave his body in a movie for an extra ?50? What a great, and cheap, way to keep the taps flowing for Cleese [read Cheese]. Drink wine and write hack, hell CJ can duu that!

Puppet sex? 'America'? $*&@#! yeah
Innovative? Sorry, Let My Puppets Come was there back in '76! That's not to say that this isn't a worthy successor, just that it took the mainstream 28 years to come around to Blueberry Hill's vision.

Iraq extends weapons amnesty
Wouldn't sex for guns be more of an incentive? OK, look at it like this- in the interest of free enterprise and competition we give 'em Iraqi Prostitute Funbucks and they can solicit the horizontal belly-dancer of their choice. What a great way to fight terrorism. Let the radicals take out their aggressions by beating their guns into plowshares [read plowing the prostitutes]. Maybe if Bin Laden was gettin' laid [laiden?] more he'd relax a bit! Hearts, minds, and libidos!

T4 Gears Up
ACK! Thanx to T3 the story's closure was cracked wide open and the franchise is poised to run amuck on your time and money with mandatory theatrical sequel attendance thanks to the infinite possibilities of temporal parallel realities.
thanx Gom

'It's Raining Men' singer dead
A dark day for Homer Simpson. We gotta get cracking on the 'It's Raining Spam' parody!

Mars Methane Boosts Chances for Life
Despite my revulsion that this means parts of Mars [my future home] will reek like Fluffy's room, It's still an interesting development in the search for extra-terrestrial life and the quest to debunk the narrow-minded-blinders-wearing-flat-earth-centrist-catho-creation-man's-devine-dominion-science-denilists.
thanx Ray Ians

Scalia: Orgies Ought to Be Encouraged
*gom sez* "I agree completely with the Judge. More sex all around in orgy fashion. Diminish the tensions between the sexes. Just use condoms and you'll be in good shape. You'll have lotsa sex and everyone will be a hell of a lot more relaxed about things. Bring back the Roman orgy. Afterall, Caligula refilled the empirial treasury back in the good old days by having an orgy where all the senators' wifeys had to prostitute themselves for the Roman masses in a gigantic orgy at the imperial palace. That's giving it all for your country. That's patriotism as it should be. I say orgies and make 'em public! This was NOT another Mike Emil announcement!"
thanx Gom

To clarify, in the view of the Institute, an orgy requires the direct sexual interaction of four or more people simultaneously in the same surroundings. This supposition is based on the fact that three-some is defined as a Menage à trois, a two-some is a coupling, and sex for one is masturbation.

Canada Plans Draft-Dodger Monument
This is a direct insult to the United States aimed directly at demoralizing our military. As such it is a defacto psychological attack on our military and should draw the protest of our State Department to the Canadian Government for such an official gesture by any level of the Canadian Government.
*Gom sez* "Just another example of the Canadians being smelly Frenchies white flag wavers underneath! First they send us William Shatner, now this! Bastards!"
thanx Gom

Introduction: Planet under pressure
The underlying fact is that the 6 points they feature are all due to the unspoken- overpopulation! It's about time somebody speaks up! But wait, we've had population warnings before we hit 4 billion 35 years ago! Vocalization and education are fine first steps but we need action!
thanx Gom

High Court Rejects Do-Not-Call Challenge
Fuck the marketers! Marketing should be regulated down to factual, measurable side by side comparisons solely of a product's features. Then let the market decide and reward only those whom produce a superior product!
thanx Gom

Top Cop Smokes Pot
You may find the irony scary, or you may be happy to see justice done. I do not see either. I am disgusted. Not simply by the arrogance of Chief Cara, or the complacency of his officers. What sickens me is that because of his position it took a thirteen-month investigation, a hidden camera, and a sting to nail this bastard where if it was just suspicion about you or me our doors would be busted down in an instant by a State raid! It is good to see him arrested, but this just highlights the insider cronyism that cloaks criminals in the ranks of those whom are charged with service and protection of the people. There has to be a better way and we must demand it!
thanx Gom

Magma Has Reached Surface of St. Helens
*Butch* I'm trying to hide from Lora-Puss, Kyle! Stop venting the volcano! I know the heat is making Finch chaff, but I don't want to go to new work and run 'puter! Here drink this!
*Kyle* That's terrible, Teddy. E-U! That has alcohol in it! Yuck Chris-n-e Emil. Double yuck!
thanx Gom

CONAN 3 has cash
Why, oh why do all these projects that cannot be done credibly without Schwarzenegger are surfacing only now after a string of lackluster performances and his new commitment to civil service? Talk about a decade too late!
thanx Gom

Hitchhiker Faithful To Adams
A remake by any other name...
thanx Gom

Son of THE THING?
Carpenter ready for THE THING 2?
Now hold your horses! First off, after the 'Escape From L.A.' rip-off of his own film, Carpenter should never be allowed to do a sequel again! Anyway, if Carpenter wants to do Thing 2 and Sci-Fi Channel is doing a Thing sequel to Carpenter's 1982 The Thing shouldn't somebody start cross-checking their projects so we don't have a split in the franchise timeline like the regrettable 'Night of the Living Dead' sequel split between 'Return of the Living Dead' films and 'Dawn of the Dead' films? And don't get me started on the convoluted plethora of Godzilla timelines!
thanx Gom

Old school STAR WARS rules at new fansite
It is about time someone outside the Institute has finally stood up and taken up the banner against the megalomaniac Lucas Menace. Their mission statement:
[quote] "BeforeTheDarkTimes.com was born specifically in honor of fans who choose to remember the STAR WARS saga for what it once WAS," the webmasters write in the site's forward. "That is, before the enhancements found in the Special Edition.. before the added scenes that now offset music scores and film fluidity.. before the 'Greedo shot first' debacle.. All changes which now allow us to refer to those days as, 'Before the Dark Times'."
We are glad to welcome www.beforethedarktimes.com in our alliance for common sense releases and respect for the fans, without which Mr. Lucas would be a lowly janitor. As we have stated many times before, with the technology of DVDs a final and complete edition of the Star Wars films could easily be produced with the playback options for any edition's playback with or without added scenes or deleted material which should satisfy everyone, except George.
thanx Gom

Israeli probe clears officer of schoolgirl shooting
Zionist pig! This was a heinous act of a deranged radical, this is a human rights violation and plainly immoral in anyone's eyes. This officer should not only face a court marshal and dishonorable discharge, but he should then be accountable to both Israeli and Palestinian civil law.

Squid catch stuns scientists
A humboldt squid? Sounds like Pravda material to me. Say a caricature of a giant squid labeled Humboldt/Valmont/CANDO with its tentacles squeezing the blood out of the Hazleton proletariat.
*Gom parodys*: *Finch Singing Badly* "Nuu! North to Alaska to get me some calamari! Nuu!"

Film prize for Star Wars creator
He needs this like we need yet another revision of the Star Wars Trilogy! Stop sucking up to this phony!
*Gom sez* "This oughta wake you up like a brick in the face!"
thanx Gom

Imax to show Star Wars' Clones
Great!, Another format for George to fuck with.

Sudan Denies 70,000 Dead in Crisis
So do something already! I'm sick of the empty promise of "never again"!
thanx Gom

Oil-for-Food Probe Includes Annan's Son
Was there any doubt that this was a crooked program right from the start? Let this stand as a lesson that the bureaucratic UN is not capable of managing a sanction circumventing humanitarian program. The crooked bedfellows of the UN, Saddam, and the Multi-polarists perpetuated the suffering of the Iraqi people for their own greed for 12 years!
*Gom sez* "Bad Chaffe and his son Folgers think that oiol is good to the last drop! "
thanx Gom

Motorcycle world abuzz at biker's 205 mph ticket
Haven't we gotten to the reality that stopwatches and clocked speed traps are notoriously inaccurate due to human error and police enthusiasm?

Rodney Dangerfield dead at 82
A true comic giant cast in the mold of Jackie Gleason. We loved Rodney. His humor was truly a class act, and he will be truly and deeply missed. Rodney's success came late in life and regrettably was never embraced by the entertainment industry. Now in his passing we all reflect on how his body of work touched and influenced our lives. Now that he is gone the Hollywood hypocrites will wrap themselves in his genius and feign respect in their greed. Rodney knew better, he knew that his success wasn't measured in money, but in his connection to his audience.
*Gom sez* "One of the funniest Jews left over from the fifties nightclub scene, Rodney Dangerfield really didn’t get any respect. He didn’t get enough publicity although he was a comic genius up there with Jackie Mason and Mel Brooks. And he certainly didn’t make enough movies and shows, especially when you got that stupid gun totting Martin Lawrence making remakes of a ‘Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court’ and Seinfeld just going on forever (and in re-runs now!). These kinds of people are not funny. Rodney was so many notches above those poor excuses for entertainers.
Although that movie about the cross-dressing boy soccer player could have been missed!
Just for his performance in Caddyshack alone, Rodney outshines everyone else in the cast and all he does is little walk-on zingers. The man is under-rated.
And don’t forget that he helped foster other great comedians through his nightclub Rodney’s (?) including the late-great Sam Kinison (another bastard who will be missed).
So where ever the hell you are Rodney, your passing leaves us all with one less laugh. You will be missed."
*Ray Ians sez* "youd better get to work on the moovie before all of fluffy's counterparts are dead!"

www.factcheck.org/
It's comforting to know that in the age of information someone is disseminating the accuracy of or spoon-fed politics.

www.jibjab.com/
And speaking of politics, no American can claim an informed vote without viewing these two satires!

Protest blockades Columbus Day parade
Famed Italian Columbus is no hero he was a loser. He did not discover America, which as his heroic claim to fame was in the service of Spain. And no, he did not cause genocide, as some would have you believe. If he didn't open the awareness of Europe and it's conquistadors someone else would have filled that nexus role eventually. Though not directly responsible for the crimes against humanity by those who followed him he was still a failed governor who was imprisoned in Spain and died a poor and broken retch. If any villainy is to be hung around his memory it would have to be the scourge of being the father of European Slavery in the Americas. Even that isn't quite as it sounds since slavery and indenturship were practiced by the Aztecs and many Native American civilizations.

100 SUNS
Now here's a coffee table book I'd like to have!

'Superman' star Christopher Reeve dead at 52
Awe crap! There goes my plan for Superman V: The Power of Cheese with a DFX body for Reeve blue-screened like Brandon Lee in The Crow! All kidding aside I do respect Reeve's acting. Even despite the severe shortcomings of Superman IV's everything, he still gave the performance the same effort as his more renowned works. One cannot deny his optimism despite his disability, recovering to still perform and tirelessly stumping for stem-cell research.
*Ray Ians sez* "not to mention, I was expecting it to be just a matter of time till he offered to do a cameo in the moovie, now thats shot to hell"
For the record the only role Chris Reeve was up for in the Institute Moovies was as Kyle 'Cheezy/Pickle' Clausius

Unprotected Nuclear Weapons Multiply
A very good accounting for nuclear weapon capabilities and aspirations worldwide from the 5 declared states, the undeclared possessors, the wanna-bes, to the gave upers. If you have any interest in WMD disarmament you want to read this.

Frist knocks Edwards over stem cell comment
I have to agree that Edwards was blowing sunshine and using Reeve's passing to his political ends.

Study: One in 100 adults asexual
The Bone Factor! He IS a one-percenter! This doesn't mean we're gonna stop pickin' on poor Bone!

Halloween on Sunday troubles some Southerners
Fucking ignorant moralists using any opportunity to force the silent majority to bend to their way of life! Just leave your porch light out like I do!

Pentagon: 7 ex-Gitmo prisoners return to terror
So, at what point do we just execute them?

Man jailed for sex with girls less than 15
You'd think this was from the files of Freeland.

Man not guilty of oral rape
'Oral rape'? Now wait a minute, we gotta get out definitions and terminology on the same page people!

"There are Too Many Germans!"
That's what Stalin said. But seriously it's nice to see that the Italians agree with the Institutes' opinion the EU ascending to the UN Security Council. Too many cooks...

USA presents Ukraine ultimatum
As it should be. There must be truth in democracy!

Sectarians inundate grieving Beslan, seek new members. Jehova's Witnesses and Scientologists have come to Beslan to create their image on people's grief
First the terrorists, now the cultists have descended upon poor Beslan to carpetbag their own slant on salvation, for a reasonable fee, capitalizing on the suffering of that community!

Russia and Georgia on verge of armed conflict
Oh great!

Unmanned Chinese Return Capsule Crashes Lands Into House
Oops!

China Marks Anniversary Of Its First Atomic Bomb

China To Build 3rd Station In Antarctica

US And Russia - What's Next?
Valuable, though diverse insight as to where our relationship with our Russian friends goes from here.

Analysis: Putin's Energy Bazaar
So, the bear holds the energy card close in hand, eh?

UN to visit Brazil nuclear plant Tuesday
I'll believe their clean when I see it.

Bush signs law pushing human rights, humanitarian aid in North Korea
Another click on the ratchet

Libyan mustard gas plant may be converted into pharmaceuticals factory
Libya, our WMD rehab poster child

Press Release Images: Spirit Mars Rovers Probing Water History at Two Sites

Press Release Images: Spirit 14-Oct-2004

Press Release Images: Opportunity Mars Rovers Probing Water History at Two Sites

posted by raymond 18:47

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